There’s a few things I absolutely call fuckery on here.
Roaring Lion Muscle Tee: $13.80
Things I Have Issues with:
1. MUSCLE TEES mixed with pork pie hats. Where are you headed in this? Unless you are about to play a jazz flute solo in a smokey San Diego lounge and then directly after that about to change the oil in your classic ‘stang, you’re most probably doing this hat wrong.
How do I know this? Because those two things would not be done by the same person, let alone in the same outing.
Get it together.
2. The LION DISPLAYING IT’S ZEBRA MANGLERS from inside the cross. Is this supposed to be some thing about the lamb and the shepherd and the holy big cat? Am I missing a piece of the puzzle? ‘Cus all your girl can think about is injured wilder beasts and the lions who love them.
Could this be altered so that anything fierce and majestic can be inserted into the cross?
Can we just place anything in there and make it work?
Given how amazing these versions look, I’m going to say yes and move on.
Things I Surprisingly Do Not Have an Issue with:
The coochy shorts. If a lady wants to risk a yeast infection and a wicked jean burn on her muff flaps for the sake of fashion, that’s between her and her busy gynecologist. I ain’t even mad.
Forever 21, WTF?
Every now and then, a person pops into our lives who knows how to party.
This is the girl who bleaches her hair, then dyes it, then bleaches it again only to chop it all off the next week.
She swears and smokes and talks shit and rolls joints like a robot made specifically for the purpose of swearing, smoking, talking shit and rolling joints.
She’s a fucking tidal wave. A typhoon with a twister strapped to her back. She dances like a lunatic, makes plans and then breaks them and touches your boyfriend on the chest and thigh in the living room while you’re ralphing in a bucket because you tried to keep up with her wild ass and FAILED because you have organs inside your body and not just hollow storage spaces for narcotics and liquor to gather.
In short, she’s a terrible human being.
We call her, “That Party Bitch.”
These are her leggings.
It’s too bad they’re so fragile. That Party Bitch does NOT do hand wash.
Forever 21, Why Are you Setting That Party Bitch Up for Failure?
Sheer shirt. Cut off shorts. Inexplicable hat worn in inexplicable fashion. DEATH STARE.
But the real hero in this ensemble? The phrase that I will now be using to replace any expletives I use for the next week?
Well, that’d be Titty Crosses, my friend.
Forever 21, WTF?
There are many ways to get through the holidays, but none so nice as with a magical little machine called the Nescafe Dolce Gusto that creates coffee house quality cappuccinos, mochas, chai tea lattes, iced teas, Americanos and all other form of “Holy fuck, I am so hung over, thank the ghost of my sobriety that I don’t have to brew COFFEE right now.”
The Nescafe Dolce Gusto is kind of a wonderful wonder of wonders. It makes espresso, plain old cup of Joe and everything in between and I have had one on my kitchen counter for about 2 years. It has seen me through hectic daylight, producing hella strong yet always delicious pick-me-ups, and has also been there for many a mellow midnight, churning up perfect hot chocolate and comforting tea.
As far as Christmas gifts go, the Nescafe Dolce Gusto is a pretty bomb one. And it comes in mighty handy on a New Years day.
Enter below for your chance to win this – one of my very WTFavorite Things.
Let’s play a game, lovelies.
Can you spot the difference?
Are you shameless, awesome and fantastic enough to admit what EXACTLY those differences are?
I pray to sweet, gentle, black Santa Claus the answer to both those questions is, “Yes.”
Leave your educated guesses in the comments.
Oh. And happy Thursday.
Lulu*s is one of my favorite retailers for on-trend party dresses. And I’m not just saying that because they’ve so graciously agreed to give one of you this “Heart to Get Dress.” Which they have.
As someone who enjoys the filly things in life, I’m always looking for cute ways to show my girly side in my style choices (a lady cannot live on WTFs alone).
This minty, magical, sparkly moment of a dress from Lulu*s contains all the ingredients to get me feeling like a sexy little teacup without overexposing my chesticles or giving anyone around me a non-refundable and unsolicited ticket to The Booty Show.
Enter below for your chance to win this glittering dandy from Lulu*s and make sure to come back every day for more prizes, deals and dirty fashion deeds.