The Melancholy Tale of the Bold Eagle

Proud Bold Eagle Ring, why do you weep?

Bold Eagle Ring: $3.80

What keeps you up nights, unable to sleep?

Is it the Rhinestone Peacock who glitters like a fairy?

Rhinestone Peacock Bracelet: $14.80

Or for the gay giraffe lovers, who still cannot marry?

Kissing Giraffe Bracelet: $10.80

Is it the taint biting panther that’s got you so down?

Panther Hinge Bracelet: $10.80

Is a psychotic elephant making you frown?

Safari Elephant Ring: $6.80

I know what it is! You’re going to be glad!

It’s the dead eyed horse! That’s what’s got you so mad!

Rhinestone Horse Ring: $5.80

Or maybe this panda is making you sad.

Rhinestone Panda Necklace: $5.80

A bird should fly high! Why ARE you so low?

With the rhinestone rabbit watching you …

Rhinestone Rabbit Ring: $3.80

the world may never know.

11 Comments

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11 Responses to The Melancholy Tale of the Bold Eagle

  1. Okay you are just FUNNY! Loves it.

  2. hayley

    I love this post!! I was laughing the whole time I was reading it :D
    Super funny
    This crap jewelry is too hilarious

  3. Josie

    I LOVE the jewelry personally….oops lol

  4. Lady Di

    Love the rhymes! Hilarious! Eagles everywhere are crying!

  5. Estella

    Funny ass story!i must admit that I do like that giraffe bracelet.i am however, a self professed giraffe addict,they are all over my daughter’s nursery;-)

  6. Mary

    You are truly hilarious, and I hope a book deal, tv show or something $$$ is in your future!

  7. nicole

    you can wear them all and make believe you’re an egyptian pharaoh.

  8. Jasmine

    The giraffe bracelet and “taint biting” are blatant knock offs of Kenneth Jay Lane’s braceletshttp://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=kenneth+jay+ane+giraffe+bracelets&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#q=kenneth+jay+lane+giraffe+bracelets&hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&prmd=imvnso&source=univ&tbm=shop&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=c2_ATsCJFMPv0gHPsIHqBA&ved=0CIIBEK0E&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.,cf.osb&fp=45e16f5f925d5be5&biw=1280&bih=664

  9. normally, i like animal rings…
    but f21′s selection has been getting
    a little creepier lately.

  10. I am such a fan of your satire, and we don’t even have a Forever 21 in New Zealand.

  11. administrator

    Aw, thank you Ella! I’m sure the empire of F21 will come storming through your neck of the woods soon.

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