The 5 Things that Ruin an Affordable Find

We’ve all known the pain. The unadulterated let down festival that is seeing an awesome dress, sweater, bottom, top, etc. beckoning to us from the rack. It whispers to you, “Buy me. Buy me and your life will be DOPE.” So you go to it, speed walking across the floor, holding your anticipation in like a person waiting to hear the last matching number of a lotto ticket. Trembling, you reach your goal and gingerly remove the item from the rack only to discover the awful truth. Your dream garment, the article of clothing that was going to change your life, is soiled. SOILED with a deal breaker.

It could be almost anything. The Affordable Find Dealbreaker is completely subjective. It could be rosettes. It could be ruffles, or a hideous print or a minor detail which just completely throws off the entire thing. Whatever it is, it’s a fuck damn bush league cluster eff and it can ruin your whole afternoon.

Here are my personal top 5 deal breakers in affordable fashion finds.

1. Unecessary and Ugly Details

Graphic Crop Top: $9.90

Oh, hey, look. This top looks kind of cool. Just basic, really. Wait a minute … is that …

Yep. Yeah. It’s a giant eagle face. Well, it’s not THAT bad …

Seriously? Seriously crop top? Side boob action? No chance.

2. Too much Skank

Sequins Dress: $20.99

Okay, okay. Little Black Dress. Looks cute enough. Some nice details on it. Let’s just get a better look here…

Holy ovaries, that’s short! If it wasn’t for the tiny shadow and black void of Spanx we could probably get a good eye full of camel toe right now. And that’s when she’s standing still. Imagine teetering around on heels wearing that shirt masquerading as a dress. An innocent walk to the car could turn into a full blown booty show in mere moments.

3. Sneaky Romper

Peacock Feather Romper: $19.80

Ohh! What a sweet little summer dress. I hope they have one left in my size!

WAIT…

WTF IS THIS? SHORTS?!?!?

This is the WORST. Rompers are the ninjas of the fashion world. I’ve gotten INTO the DRESSING room with a romper in my midst and not known it until I was half naked and ready to put the thing on.

4. Pukey Print

Bow Skirt: $15.80

Hmm.. kind of cute. I love pleats. It’s very pretty girl on summer vacay at the cape. But I’ve been burned before. Let’s get in there for a closer look.

Leopard. Print. Bows.

SHIT.

5. RUFFLES

Ruffled Shirt Dress w/ Belt: $24.80

Poseidon’s trident, look at that mess! Ruffle on ruffle action at it’s most natty and hardcore! She looks like Oscar the Grouch’s bottom bitch. I half expect the next product shot to be of her poking her head out of a trash can having a surly interaction with a gigantic yellow bird costume.

Forever 21, You… What Have you DONE?

31 Comments

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31 Responses to The 5 Things that Ruin an Affordable Find

  1. I love you. Marry me?

  2. Alli

    I KNOW!!! This is my main problem with F21. I see something and go “Oh this is cute, except for that one hideous detail. Goddammit!!”

  3. Ashley

    BAHAAHH! They always get us with those DAMN LEOPARD “prints”!!!

  4. I think these little details are a sign of getting old…while I’m muttering about the absurdity of festooning a fantastic pair of jeans with bedazzled, sequin back pockets, some Twihard beside me is OMFG’ing over the “awesome, wikad” sparkly mess. (PS – I’ve done the romper thing too…pants off…”whattha?…cheese n’rice, H&M!”

  5. Lynn

    Omg. You made me pee my pants. You should seriously consider writing cartoon parody/satire scripts. You are pure genius!

  6. ilacewords

    Seriously one of my all time fave postings.

  7. whatyoulookinat

    The romper looks like it has period stains ALL over it! Ew.

  8. Yolande

    I’ve made the hidden romper mistake SO many times. Who buys those things? Have to take the entire thing off to pee, and I’ve not met a single man who thinks they are sexy. WTF indeed!

  9. WAIT. Is that Nicole from ANTM Cycle 5 modeling for Forever21?

    …seriously, though. Seriously?

  10. Yasemin

    One time I did not realize something was a romper until i had somehow squeezed myself through one of the leg holes and wondered what the extra scrap of fabric on my side was (it was the other leg).

  11. administrator

    I have totally done the same thing. They are sneaky. It’s got to be the worst let down to be excited by a cute little dress and then discover it’s a romper.

  12. administrator

    Caitlin – YES! It is. People realize it from time to time. I guess a jobs a jobs, right?

  13. administrator

    Yolande – I know some guys who are ok with the rompers but only on very specific, very cute ladies who would look great in a paper sack anyway.

  14. administrator

    FunnerRunner – yeah, but they are allowed to wear bedazzled shit and absurd prints. They’re children. No one expects anything of them. But it’s really not ok to be a grown ass woman looking like you sat in glitter.

  15. administrator

    Ashley – F21 LOVES them some leopard print. Why leopard? Why not cheetah or tiger or giraffe? I guess leopard’s are the sexiest animal in the animal kingdom?

  16. administrator

    Alli – this happens a lot when I am shopping there with my b/f. I’ll be like, “Oh, this sweater looks nice.” Then I turn it around and see the stenciled griffin on the back.

  17. Holy crap, that was hilarious. And, yes, I noticed the period stains too. I guess that could be considered a plus? No one would notice you forgot your tampons.

  18. administrator

    Ariana – I love you back. And your blog is great! I can’t marry you, though. Not now at least. But if my b/f doesn’t put a ring on it in another six months I am all yours!

  19. MissVicious

    Occasionally, if a romper is nice enough, I’ll buy it, and make it into a dress. Sure, it’s hard to hide the stitches, but it can take something from “ugh” to “ooooh!”.

  20. Mina

    You know what’s also one of the things that gives me an aneurysm? When you find something that’s adorable and you go look at the size only to find that this tiny piece of clothing that you’re holding is actually an XL. It’s the most intense kind of fuckery out there.

  21. Katie

    Rompers are totally the ninjas of dealbreakers. I loathe them with a passion and get really annoyed when I mistake one for a dress.

  22. administrator

    MissVicious – I have been tempted to do this several times but then I come to my senses and remember I don’t know how to use a sewing machine and am not even good at using scissors.

  23. administrator

    Mina – I have never encountered this, but that does sound fucked. There are a few articles which emerge every year about the discrepancy in clothing sizes at different retailers and also in Ready-to-Wear designer collections. That’s always a bit annoying to me but at the same time I don’t really care what size something is, as long as it fits.

  24. administrator

    Katie – I know! They’re such mind tricks. What’s also funny is I think people see what they WANT to see and hear what they want to hear, so when I look across the floor and see a cute little dress that is actually a romper, my eyes and brain are busy doing a little denial dance to please me. Only when I am confronted with the terrible, up close truth does reality settle in.

  25. Alyssa

    I hate hate hate rompers. Fucking deceptive ninjas.

  26. liz

    sneaky romper is the worst!! esp at forever 21. half the things i bring to the dressing room i realize are indeed not dresses. and who the hell can wear a romper with sleeves? i pee like 10 times a day and i would spend all my time at work wriggling in and out of my clothes

  27. Giselle

    I completely agree with this! For me its always a really cute top, til I pick it up and the back looks like it was attacked by a leopard (just cause the leopard is F21′s thing) and its being held together by like 3 strips of fabric in a random pattern. wtf bra am i supposed to wear with that??!

  28. Gail

    I thought I was the only one that had this problem! I’m glad to know other people have the same thing happen. It looks so good from across the store… then, as you said it, holy ovaries! Also, it’s really hard to find a dress that’s an appropriate length at F21. They must love ovaries.

  29. administrator

    Oh yes. Everyone I know who has ever spent any time shopping has had this happen to them. It’s so messed. It’s like going on a first date and everything is awesome and then he tells you something insane like he doesn’t ever eat vegetables. WHY?!

  30. Stephanie

    Why does that romper have little pictures of sperm all over it?

  31. Anonymous

    Wow, that Little Black “Dress” just wow. That trench-looking shirt dress could be good, take off all the ruffles and other crap they stuck on there as afterthoughts and that could be a chic little number.

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