Tag Archives: tops

Forever 21′s Most Cringe-Worthy New Items

You know how when you see someone and they do something or wear something or say something SO EMBARRASSING for them YOU get embarrassed?

This collection of garments and accessories is like that feeling personified.

THUGshirt

I can feel the tingle of shame rolling through my delighted body just looking at these.

SWAGsocks

LAME.

SNOBshirt

Right. Because glitter is only worn by the upper crust. And I get that this is trying to be ironic. I also get that it’s fucking failing.

NERDhat

UGH.

GANGSTAhat

Wanksta.

BOSSshirt

Like a Person who Just Discovered Memes Yesterday.

awesomeHAT

#TryingTooHard

Forever 21, WTF?

3 Comments

Filed under Straight WTF

Wonderful Wednesday: Sophie’s Choice

As all of you would know if you were part of the awesome, totally exclusive and cool Facebook club for WTForever21, I have been in Seattle on business for the past few days.

As I’m otherwise indisposed, today’s post is brought to you by an adorable 9-year-old fashion prodigy named Sophie, who just happens to be the daughter of my de facto boss on this wonderful excursion.

20120619-132039.jpg

Cropped Cut Out Shoulder Top: $17.80

After we finished giggling about the shorts, Sophie threw down her take on this adventurous look:

“I like the top and the color but the pants are weird. I like how it’s not see threw (sic) and it is wavy. I think the neckless (sic) goes really well with the outfit.”

Now, before you start making jokes about how blogging is so easy a 9-year-old could do it, let me pose to you THIS quandary:

Is this so simple a 9-year-old can do it OR are those shorts so secure in their mayorship of Crazy Town, that even a 9-year-old can SEE it?

Talk amongst yourselves.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Memorial Day Do’s and Dont’s

FREEDOM.

That’s what Memorial Day is all about.

Celebrating our freedom as Americans to look at fat titties, drink beers, cook animal flesh over an open flame and wear cut-offs. Preferably all at the same time.

Welcome to your Memorial Day Fashion Guide Do’s & Dont’s.

God bless you all and God bless America.

Mineral Wash Denim Halter: $7.80

Looking at breasts that threaten to escape from acid wash bikini tops is the most patriotic shit you can you engage in.

Therefore, it is only right that you DO wear this top that looks like a left over from the wardrobe of a Guns N’ Roses video.

Welcome to the jungle, baby.

Studded Cut-Off Shorts: $19.80

As I mentioned before, cut-offs are an America tradition. Like apple pie and slavery.

Make sure you DO wriggle yourself into the tightest pair of these babies you can find. Extra points for pairing them with American flag cowboy boots.

Leopard Print Dress: $19.80

Leopard print. Super Tight. Coochie surprise short. I know it looks like a Memorial Day fashion slam dunk. But there’s one big problem with this otherwise perfect display of American style.

It’s only got one sleeve. Only got one shoulder.

That’s just unacceptable on Memorial Day. ‘Cus we’re Americans, damnit. And we don’t do ANYTHING half-assed, not even our sleeves.

Studded Vest: $27.80

This silky looker calls back to the days when men were men, women were women and you could pay $.05 to grab a chicks titty in the corner of the saloon. Two for one on Sundays!

I’d suggest wearing this with the acid wash bikini top and cut-off shorts.

Aviator sunglasses and obesity optional.

Happy Birthday, Benjamin Franklin! That’s what this holiday is for, right?

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Wonderful Wednesday: Big Boobs Bonanza

I don’t know if you guys know this, and I don’t mean to brag, but I am hella stacked.

If someone were going to write my biography tomorrow, the title could easily be, “Big Titties: The Gift and the Curse.”

The gift, because yes, sometimes having an ample bust can be a blessing. Like if you need to get out of a traffic ticket. Or if your main goal in life is to have someone at some point make it rain on you or spray Andre all over your ass.

If you have big tatties, these are the avenues of glory which for you are wide open.

But bountiful breastisses can also be a burden, especially when it comes to dressing them.

Well, my chesty sisters, prepare to be set free.

This is Wonderful Wednesday.

Continue reading

6 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Forever 21 Offers Outfits for Coachella

You ever look at something, clothing trend or otherwise, and just know it’s going to be one of those things we all make fun of and regret 10 years from now?

Pretty sure these looks Forever 21 has put together to coincide with the California art and musical fest Coachella are 110% that.

It’s not that Forever 21′s stylists aren’t spot on about what kind of hipster madness gets thrown together for Coachella every year. The uber short-shorts, the flowy tops, the fringe, the neon, the pre-frayed everything. That’s all painfully accurate.

It’s just when I look at these I always imagine the same people wearing them today looking back on this decade and getting stuck in an infinite face palm loop.

So what do YOU think?

Will we regret these fashion decisions in our 40′s or will the “homeless looking yet perfectly manicured” style be remembered fondly?

Forever 21, This Really Isn’t About You.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Unwanted Kisses

You know what I like to do when I’m a cartoon white lady and am also kissing someone on a t-shirt?

20120404-101605.jpg

Marvel Heroes Top: $15.80

Look terrified and CRY.

Forever 21, WTF?

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Inconceivable!

ENHANCE.

ENHANCE.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

What to Wear When you Fall in Love with Channing Tatum

Sometimes the most obvious things in the world can be the most surprising. Like finding a quicker route to work by taking a wrong turn or learning that ratty old sweater you lounge around in at home is the sexiest thing he’s ever seen.

In this way, I guess I had every right to be surprised by the fact that a large majority of you enjoy the pouty lips, soulful eyes and perfectly sculpted abs of Channing Tatum, co-star to Rachel McAdams in this coming Valentine’s Day’s chick flick epic “The Vow.”

20120201-134010.jpg

In what is sure to be the first guilty pleasure pic of thousands of people in 2012, “The Vow” tells the based on a true story tale of a married couple whose deep and profound love is torn asunder by a case of amnesia. Rachel McAdams’ character awakes from a coma or, something equally soap operish, to discover the cut and beautiful, model turned actor Tatum is her husband.

She then inexplicably objects, speaking nonsense in the trailer like, “I don’t remember you” and “You are devilishly handsome and extremely physical fit. Back up off me!” Okay, maybe she doesn’t say that, but how she musters the gaul to do anything but rip her own clothes off at the news this god amongst men is her surprise husband is beyond me.

Thus, in the spirit of pleasant surprises and full on pleasures of the guilty variety, this Wonderful Wednesday is dedicated to capturing the style of the woman (albeit fictional) so appealing she caused Channing Tatum to full press court her (twice!) in hopes of winning her love.

Strap on your longing looks, ladies. This is Wonderful Wednesday.

20120201-135111.jpg

20120201-135209.jpg

Cable Knit Boyfriend Cardigan: $19.80

20120201-140211.jpg

Wrap Cardigan: $32.80

20120201-140422.jpg

Toggle Closure Cardigan: $37.90

Theres something to be said for being comfortable making you feel more sexy. One of the most romantic days I’ve ever experienced was spent at home with my then boyfriend on a rainy day in LA while I was in my period. Both of us spent the entire time slubbing around in the toasty confines on his apartment, me bundled up in a long thrift store cable cardigan, a thin tee and yoga pants. He was never more eager to surf the crimson tide. I’m assuming Channing Tatum feels the same.

20120201-141219.jpg

20120201-141455.jpg

Pom Pom Hat: $10.80

20120201-141555.jpg

Heart Trimmed Necklace: $4.80

20120201-141652.jpg

Faded Denim Shirt: $22.80

20120201-141806.jpg

Moto-Bomber Jacket: $16.99

Make sure when you put this outfit together you have twinkly, sparkly lights to halo your frame. That way when Channing Tatum somehow, against all odds, despite his strong jaw and no doubt firm, round rump, convinces you to fall in love with him again the moment will be all the more magical.

20120201-142258.jpg

20120201-142330.jpg

V-neck Tee: $5.90

20120201-142426.jpg

Floral Cuffed Sleeve Top: $22.80

Wearing something with flowers is key to this moment in the seduction of you by Channing Tatum. Mainly because when he comes rushing into your art studio, or sculpting class, or cheese curdling factory or wherever the Hell they are, he will be subconsciously motivated to pollinate your flower as he takes you on the cool, stone floor.

Forever 21, Wonderful.

5 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Old School WTF

It’s been a good long while since I scoped something in Forever 21′s online catalog that literally made me say, “What the fuck?” out loud.

20120127-153306.jpg

Polka Dot Flowers Top: $13.80

Congratulations, Polka Dot Flowers Top. You broke through that WTF dry spell like a ruffled, mismatched BOSS. And the styling addition of what appear to be piss soaked cutoffs is nothing short of inspired.

My standards are impeccable. My expectations are high. You have exceeded them this day.

Forever 21, WTF and Thank You.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

It’s a Living

No matter how many times I see some model photographed for Forever 21 with a grimace on her face, no matter how many times I notice the look of sheer “no fucks given,” I STILL cackle.

20120117-163002.jpg

Fringe Trim Tank: $15.80

Seriously, let’s not even discuss the ridiculous, tribal, fringe frenzy on her torso. Let’s instead direct our attention to the main attraction. The deliciously “meh” main attraction.

20120117-163435.jpg

This is the facial expression equivalent of phrases like, “It is what it is” or “What’re you gonna do?” and “Ya can’t fight city hall.”

I’ve seen women eating salads who look like they’re having a better time.

Forever 21, Get that bitch some lettuce.

10 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized