Asses like these usually rise in the ranks of booty naturally, taking their rightful place in the annals of rump history with grace and apple bottomed aplomb.
These are the asses that deserve our admiration, our respect and our fear. These are the asses which have earned the right to wear ridiculous clothing items Ike Ass Capes. Yet in what I am assuming is an absurd attempt to glorify the curves of less than Minaj-like money makers, Forever 21 is steadily releasing Ass Caped clothing for everyday wear.
Cascading Tail Skirt: $17.80
Unless your ass runs into a burning building and saves a shitload of orphans and adorable Labrador puppies, it does not deserve to wear a cape.
Tiny Flower Tail Dress: $29.80
Until your ass can leap tall buildings in a single bound and is faster than a speeding bullet as well as being as powerful as a locomotive (as Nikki Minaj’s ass proved it was during heroic feats at last year’s Teen Choice Awards) then you do not get to put a cape on it.
Sheer Tiered Dress: $29.80
You certainly don’t get to pop some flowing poly-blend, Kermit the Frog colored cape on your ass and call it “tiered.” No one is fooled by this. Once again, if you ass did not strike fear into the hearts of men this week, if it did not solve the financial crisis or even help an old lady with her groceries, you do NOT get to buy capes for it.
Unless it’s Halloween. Then go crazy.
Forever 21, WTF?