Tag Archives: shoes
One thing I love about being an adult is the ability to design and decide my own vacations.
You see, I’m turning 28 in August of this year and after much deliberation and doubt and a whole lot of “I’m too old to celebrate my birthday” thoughts, I have decided on not only WHAT I want to do for my birthday but also on where I want to be.
And that where happens to be in the desert. Palm Springs to be exact. The crazy hipster haven of The Ace Hotel in Palm Springs to be even more so.Photos courtesy of Flickr users massdistraction, joeywan and Mathew Foster.
Just picture it. Sun, fun, drinks, cabanas, fire, food and poolside shenanigans. Baking in the delightful haze of cheeseburgers and frozen liquor treats. All this and more I could not resist.
Now there’s only one thing left to do, chickens.
Plan the outfits!
Get ready for the hot, hot heat!
It’s Wonderful Wednesday.
Leather Footbed Sandals: $19.80
Used to be you could only find these babies at outdoor stores, specific mall locations and in the direct opposite location of a penis, but now they are also available at Forever 21. Huzzah.
Footbed sandals? WTF is a Footbed? Are they suggesting these ill formed, dollar store variety Flinstoneian messes are like beds for your feet? Please. I’m getting blisters just looking at them.
Forever 21, WTF?
Turtle Neck Sequin Dress: $29.80
Now, I know this colorless color is mostly reserved for the Spring time and the dress code of rap mogul birthday parties, but wearing white can make a lady look so damn fine and fancified it’s worth jumping the gun.
Plus it’s Wonderful Wednesday. And on Wonderful Wednesday, we does what the fuck we WANTS.
Mesh Spaghetti Top: $19.80
There is no love lost between me and mesh anything. Most of the time it manages to make the person wearing it look somehow simultaneously sloppy AND like they’re trying too hard, but this top is an exception.
The soft dip of the fabric and the tight, neat circle spaces on the mesh makes it both work and weekend errand appropriate.
Embellished Knit Cardigan: $29.80
With a new season of Mad Men perched on the horizon, this ivory cardigan with its delicate bead trim is the perfect way to get your Peggy Olson on.
Beaded Burst Clutch: $22.80
We all know beaded Ice Queen envelope clutches are not for everyday wear (at least I HOPE we all know this) but on a special occasion or night out the all white appliqué is subdued enough to be classic and sparkly enough to be eye catching.
If these don’t make you feel like Beyonce on Caribbean yacht vacation then I don’t know what will.
Okay, I know what will but where are we going to find a diamond encrusted thong bikini and a Jay Z look-a-like on such short notice? Forget it, lady.
Forever 21, Wonderful.
This is made even worse by the assumption you should look like your outfit was weaved out of unicorn manes, your make up was applied by a magical fairy godmother and your hair was laid perfectly into place by singing woodland creatures.
Just in case you don’t have a team of fashion savvy mice to sew you a ball gown in time for this December 31, here’s a list of items to avoid wearing as you ring in the new year.
This is why Swamis and genies of the lamp do not get laid on New Years Eve. That and they’re too busy either following a deeply spiritual, religious path or being a mythical creature of lore.
Bodycon Zebra Dress: $19.80
Pro tip: If you can avoid looking like you skinned a gay pride zebra and dipped it in Presto Polyester juice, please try. This is not cute.
Sequined Bomber Jacket: $19.80
Unless you plan on doing a slow motion cannon ball off a tall building to coincide with the midnight countdown, do not place this glittering mistake on your body.
Sequined Beret: $18.80
Girl, do I even have to say anything. Disco Mushroom is not a good look for anyone, especially at midnight. Make the resolution to keep your dignity in 2012.
Forever 21, Happy New Year!
Perforated Leatherette Heels: $24.80
1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle themed drag show.
2. Swamp Thing high school reunion.
3. Sexy Oscar the Grouch costume.
4. Grunge Era Tinkerbell outfit.
5. Adding some height to the formation of powdery fungus living in your fridges most ancient and shameful Tupperware container.
Beyond these excuses the madness of slightly varied, puke colored patches stitched together to make heels is unacceptable. If you have any further ideas on how these may be worn, please …
Forever 21, WTF?
Wool Feathered Fedora: $17.80
Big, floppy hat with feathers in it? Check.
Zebra Print Wedges: $30.80
Platform joints that look straight out of a very busted episode of Starsky & Hutch? Check.
Cropped Faux Fur Jacket: $29.80
The color is Apricot, named after the pimp who will eventually pair it with matching alligator loafers the exact color of a Tangelo, which also happens to be his nephew (and road dog’s) name.
Forever 21, Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy, but at Least you Make the Uniform Affordable.
Knitted Ladybug Slippers: $6.80
But NO ONE is more surprised than these slippers.
Forever 21, : O !
Ladies in long term relationships – brace yourselves. Engagement season has officially begun.
So in the spirit of this magical time of year, and also because I’d like to indulge in my own matrimonial fantasies, this Wonderful Wednesday is dedicated to all things wedding! Budget wedding at that!
Lace and Pleats Dress: $29.80
This is the most inexpensive alternative wedding dress I have ever come across.
With the sweet pleats and lace top, it’s perfect for a bride on a serious budget who is having a less than formal affair. If the black ribbon bothers you, snip it off and cover it up with a satin one of your color choice.
Say you do. You know you wanna. It’s Wonderful Wednesday.
Peekaboo Shoulder Dress: $16.90
Suplice Neckline Dress: $24.80
Forget the old clichés about bridesmaids dresses being ugly. These are your best friends! Put them in something chic, sexy and affordable they can wear again and again.
Glittered Flats: $16.80
Suedette Peeptoe Slingbacks: $24.80
Blinged out black flats for the reception and something blue in a sky high heel for the ceremony. If the wood grain on those sling backs bothers you, cover that part with some clear glue and cost the area in gold leaf or your choice of glitter. You could also paint over it with a high shine lacquer.
Graduated Tear drop Earrings: $3.80
Opaque Beaded Circle Earrings: $5.80
Love Trio Bangle Set: $6.80
Sparkle Woven Bracelet: $6.80
So many jewelry options under $10, so little time! The possibilities are practically endless, but I’d keep it simple as you can with muted colors and classic details.
Forever 21, Wonderful.