Tag Archives: ring

Wonderful Wednesday: Perfect Pleats for a Lazy Lady

I’m trying something new this Wonderful Wednesday.

It’s called being too lazy to finish writing up The Great Gatsby inspired post I started last night.

Instead, here’s my clothes thrown on the floor in a way I would wear them!

Jacket: Forever 21 $27.80

Top: Macy’s Bar iii

Skirt: Forever 21 $17.80

Necklace: Dunno

Bracelet: Forever 21 $7.80

Shoes: Michael Antonio $44.99

Ring: Ariel Gordon Jewelry – (I got this for basically free with a coupon code)  $75

WHAT DO YOU THINK

of this new Wonderful Wednesday format? It comes from the purest place of not wanting to either do research or even put on real clothes.

Let me know in the comments!

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Imminent Ned Knows the Horrors of April

Oh God…

Forever 21, WTF?

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Wonderful Wednesday: Chanel without the Credit Card Hell

Living in Los Angeles amongst both the rich and the famous, I am presented almost daily with a double edged sword of delights and disappointments.

We have amazing restaurants with amazing food that are sometimes so amazing you have to wait a fortnight before you can actually eat in them.

The streets are littered with beautiful women and the odds of seeing an actual celebrity can go from slim to none to almost unavoidable with the change of a zip code.

And, most importantly, we have every shop you could ever want and every shop you could never afford to actually shop in.

One of those shops just happens to be one of my favorites.

One of those shops is Chanel.

Even though I love the crisp, clean lines and posh quilted loveliness this super luxe brand has to offer, I’m in no position to pay super luxe prices.

However, through the wonders of Forever 21′s copy cattish homage items to Chanel, we can all indulge our silly desire to look like skeleton puppet genius Karl Lagerfeld’s dream girl.

Leatherette Rose Bag: $19.00

If you can’t afford Rodeo Drive, why not just take a stroll down Front Street?

Take a walk with me, ladies. It’s Wonderful Wednesday. Continue reading

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Slave Rings: They are a Real Thing

Yesterday I posted a pic of this ring (I use that word loosely. If I had to describe this accessory to a Martian I would probably call it a plastic hand toupee.) on the Facebook page.

Breaded Bracelet Ring: $5.80

Those exposed to this hand enhancement product experienced reactions ranging from nostalgic recognition – apparently these were acceptable in the 90′s – to confusion.

One commenter asked, “What is that? Wicker?”

Listen here, Forever 21.

When a customer asks the question, “What is that? Wicker?” about one of your rings, you are DOING RINGS WRONG.

Forever 21, WickerTF?

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The Melancholy Tale of the Bold Eagle

Proud Bold Eagle Ring, why do you weep?

Bold Eagle Ring: $3.80

What keeps you up nights, unable to sleep?

Is it the Rhinestone Peacock who glitters like a fairy?

Rhinestone Peacock Bracelet: $14.80

Or for the gay giraffe lovers, who still cannot marry?

Kissing Giraffe Bracelet: $10.80

Is it the taint biting panther that’s got you so down?

Panther Hinge Bracelet: $10.80

Is a psychotic elephant making you frown?

Safari Elephant Ring: $6.80

I know what it is! You’re going to be glad!

It’s the dead eyed horse! That’s what’s got you so mad!

Rhinestone Horse Ring: $5.80

Or maybe this panda is making you sad.

Rhinestone Panda Necklace: $5.80

A bird should fly high! Why ARE you so low?

With the rhinestone rabbit watching you …

Rhinestone Rabbit Ring: $3.80

the world may never know.

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Give Them the Bird

Disapproving bird ring …

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DISAPPROVES.

Rhinestone Eagle Ring: $4.80

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Spread Eagle Returns!

In further proof that you can’t keep a good giggle down, Forever 21 has managed (for the time being) to allow the Spread Eagle ring to exist on the Canadian side of it’s online catalog.

There it is, in all it’s juvenile, “Hahaha – that’s what porn actresses do for money” glory.

And below is the cleaned up version which mysteriously made the switch days after WTForever 21′s original post.

Either they forgot to change it on the Canadian site or they just think Americans are prudes. Or there is some other explanation I’m not thinking of. In any case, this proves I’m not insane (in this instance) and that the Spread Eagle ring does indeed exist.

Fly high, Spread Eagle. Fly high.

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Forever 21 No Longer Selling Spread Eagle

In an all-too-predictable turn of events, it seems as if the brass behind Forever 21′s sexy Spread Eagle Ring has had a change of heart.

The patriotic finger party we pointed out last month for having a seedy name has been de-sexed and is now called the “Etched Eagle Ring.”

Unfortunately, I failed to take a screenshot of the previous product description, which was colorfully accented with the phrase, “Spread Eagle.”

For now at least it looks like Forever 21 has changed their tune on the tongue in cheek copy.

Too bad. I thought for a second there they might actually have a sense of humor.

Forever 21, You’ll Always be Spread Eagle to me.

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Forever 21 Selling the Spread Eagle to Teen Girls

I’ve heard of selling sex in fashion but this is just ridiculous.

Spread Eagle Ring: $3.80

Seems like someone at Forever 21 is having a little fun with naming the new inventory this week. I know “spread eagle” is technically the correct phrase for this pose, but it’s also a poor choice of words.

Now, this could be a kind of lost in translation thing, but I highly doubt it. Whatever the case, this ring is a hilarious mix of patriotism and porno.

Now all we need is a cunnilingus cardigan and a pair of fuzzy 69ing slippers.

What do you think about this dirty little ring?

Forever 21, WTF?

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What Not to Wear on Your Fantasy Date with Ryan Gosling

You’ve seen them.

We’ve ALL seen them.

And if you saw “Crazy, Stupid, Love” Friday, you definitely saw them.

I’m writing, of course, about Ryan Gosling’s abs.

I mean, come on. Even HE is confused as to how his body is that delicious.

Ladies (and gentlemen, for that matter), if you expect to attract this level of crispy, sexual, high-class swag-manship, you can not run around wearing just any old tribal print, “abstract” jumpsuit or burnt sienna, corduroy clusterfuck of a skirt for which Forever 21 is so unfortunately well known.

Below are the top 5 picks from our favorite bringer of WTFuckery that will definitely keep you far, far away from Ryan Gosling’s galaxy of tasty abs.

Lace & Chiffon Top: $24.80

As our first offender, we have what appears to be a funeral doily or the skirt of a Gothic Christmas tree, apparently meant to keep blackened pine needles AND Ryan Gosling’s abs away.

Sheer Ruffled Button Up Top: $17.80

The ruffles. The peachy, pasty color. The church lady sleeves and odd length. All great if you want to attract 79-year-old men at the Am-vet center. Not so good for attracting 31-year-old abs that made you both cry AND laugh in “The Notebook.”

Crinkled Metallic Motorcycle Jacket: $27.80

How DARE Forever 21 skin the withered nuts of Floridian retirees to make these things! Will their thirst for domination over the leathery sacks of the elderly never be satiated?

Not okay.

Lace Bow Scrunchie: $2.80

This scrunchie is a disgrace and quite frankly, I’m ashamed to even have it on the same page as Ryan Gosling’s luscious abs. Not only is it a fucking scrunchie, but it’s covered in lace! As if just the act of being a scrunchie and existing as an item for PURCHASE outside the date of 1986, was not ENOUGH, it has black LACE all over it. And as a final insult, it has a bow on top. If you think wearing an accessory that is practically a historical artifact of fashion is even going to get you in the vicinity of Ryan Gosling, let alone his abs, you’re nuttier than that ballsack jacket above.


Rhinestone Ring Watch: $12.80

Just because Ryan Gosling has abs so blindingly beautiful they make the sun say, “DAYAM” doesn’t mean you should litter your ring finger with cheap rhinestones and fake gold to compliment them. If you did get close to Ryan Gosling’s abs, all this ring is going to do is embarrass you with a green finger as you rub your trembling hand across his glistening chest. Leave the mini-me mob boss bling at home. Or better yet, in the half-price bin where it belongs, shaming everything else around it.

Forever 21, Stop Clit-Blocking Us.

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