Tag Archives: pink

Wonderful or WTF: Cutout Dress

Like a chronic dieter who just blew through a weeks worth of calories at a Vegas buffet or someone who just got talked into getting DDD implants instead of the tasteful, pleasantly full C cups she planned on, I am confused as to whether I like this or not.

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Cutout Mid Length Dress with Belt: $24.80

Yes, my dear, fluffy chickens. Confusion once again has me pressed against her heaving bust. It is up to you to tear me from her clutches or give the go ahead for epic motor boating.

So what do YOU think? Is it Dita Von Teese or Dita Von Don’t?

LET’S DITA VIN DISCUSS IT IN THE COMMENTS!

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Zippered Raptor Daisy Top

Leave it to Forever 21 to make a cheetah, one of the most badass, awesome, stealth, adorable when babies, animals on the planet look totally fucking lame.

Zippered Cheetah Daisy Top: $17.80

Let’s apply the same treatment to another animal and see if we can’t make it look like a desperate, old hippie whore as well.

Devastating.

What was once an iconic villain of my childhood is instantly reduced to the Tammy Faye Baker of prehistoric reptiles.

Newflash, Forever 21 – cheetahs and raptors do not need pink eye shadow to look awesome.

Forever 21, WTF?

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Rounded “Back Massager”

Sit down, Forever 21.

Rounded Back Massager: $2.80

I… wasn’t snooping. I want you to know I respect your privacy.

I respect it.

But… I found this in your sock drawer and… we need to have a talk.

Forever 21, When a Woman and a Plastic Massage Toy Love Each Other Very Much…

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Wilderness Wear

Oh, hey girl. I didn’t see you there.

What? Oh, me and my front butt are just taking a hike wearing these Mom Pants.

You like my vest? I put it on when you weren’t looking. I like to keep items like denim vests and sandwiches hidden in the folds of my slouchy crotch blanket.

That’s probably why you smell ham.

And yes, I always stand this way.

Oh, hi again. I thought I’d take a break from looking like a nightmare hybrid from the 80′s and 90′s and just chill here among this greenery.

Sike your mind! I still look ridiculous.

Drawstring Harem Pants: $14.50

Forever 21, WTF?

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A Strange Beanie for a Strange Bean

Just exactly what type of head shape has this beanie (now on sale at about 50% off) been constructed for?

Pom-Pom Beanie: $3.99

Without.

With.

Without.

With.

What! Mr. President, pull yourself together, for Christ’s sake!

Take off that beanie! It’s not remotely historically accurate, it betrays your trademark look and, worst of all, there are ladies present!

I know you love high hats, but please.

Forever 21, Is Nothing Sacred?

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Heart Marks the Spot

Let me tell you all a little about the art of subtlety.

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Jumbo Heart G-String: $3.80

This? This is not it.

They might as well put a big cookie on her crotch or maybe just a straight up picture of a birth canal.

Forever 21, I See What you Did There.

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Muppet Muff WTF

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again until you get it, Forever 21.

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Cropped Shag Jacket: $29.80

STOP sheering Muppets and using their sweet, soft fur to make your clothes!

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This looks like a year’s worth of Miss Piggy’s pubic hair. I’ll bet it smells like bacon and frog’s legs.

Forever 21, WTF?

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Zooey Deschanel & the Case of Too Much Cute

Everyone seems to be up in arms over Zooey Deschanel right now. Maybe it’s the overload of her kewpie doll cuteness now on full display in “New Girl” that’s brought it about.

Maybe it’s the baby voiced, chunky banged, big eyed wonder she seems to live inside. But whether you want in to her kitten filled world of cotton candy rainbow clouds and farts that smell like fresh blueberry muffins, or you just want to strangle the shit out of her, odds are you probably have an opinion.

As for me, I’m torn. Part of me is insanely jealous of her seemingly innate ability to be approachably beautiful. And yet another part of me feels like gouging my ear drums open with a blunt breadstick when I hear her bored baby talk voice.

But there is ONE thing I DO love about Zooey (with two o’s for EXTRA “awww”)  - here unabashedly out there affinity for all things adorable. Which brings us to today’s special post topic,

“What Would Zooey Wear?”

Brace yourselves.

Floral Bow Ring: $3.80

The cute is coming. Continue reading

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Traveling Clothes: How to Breeze Through Airport Security

Travel.

Is there any bigger pain in the ass?

At the end of this week I’ll be winging my way to New York city via Virgin America, and although I love the Big Apple and all the wonders held therein, I truly loathe the flying process. You’ve got the lines, the long waits for overpriced, under par food, flight delays, crying kids, uncomfortable accommodations, yadda yadda yadda. But of all these inconveniences which are now a reality of the miracle that is modern day transport, security checks  are the only part that aren’t a total crapshoot. At the security line, we all have a nugget of control.

So, in honor of my pending travel plans, I offer a few fool proof ways to get through airport security faster, happier and almost unmolested.

Scalloped Applique Top: $17.80

Save airport security some time by wearing this see-through scalloped top to the terminal. It’ll make it that much easier for the technicians to make sure you’re not smuggling illegal drugs in your womb when you go through the scanner.

Scalloped Chain Necklace: $6.80

You don’t want to set off any alarms. Luckily, this necklace is completely devoid of any metals occurring in nature, allowing you to avoid the embarrassing prospect of being told to take off your accessories by the TSA for security purposes. (What they say to you about taking it off for FASHION purposes most definitely falls under the category of, “That’s not my problem. You’re the one who decided to wear medieval chain mail on your trip to Munich or where ever.)

Slingback Stiletto Heels: $22.80

Now, most travel guides will tell you to wear soft, comfortable, easy going shoes you’ll be able to slip on and off through security. Fuck that! Taking a flight is basically like getting on a public bus and if you’re going to fly the rude and rowdy skies you need some serious backup. While security is doing a cavity search on a little old lady who tried to bring a pair of treezers on board, you can swish your cute little ass right past them wearing these bad boys. ‘Cus the last time I checked, the business end of a platform stiletto still isn’t classified as a weapon, but that don’t mean you couldn’t poke a bitch with it for bogarting the arm rest.

Abstract Dolphin Shorts: $16.90

Have something really embarassing in your bag? Want to sneak that full size shampoo or family pack of self tanner onto the plane? No problem. Just slap on these babies and the security agents will be way too busy trying to figure out how you managed to time travel from the year 19-fugly to notice the wriggling, penis shaped lump in your luggage! Did you fall through a wormhole at the Circle K? Did you befriend an eccentric doctor and come to be in this century by way of wacky and/or serendipitous circumstances? It doesn’t matter. You’re already in your seat, enjoying the full loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter you packed in your carry-on.

Forever 21, Happy Trails!

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Fantastic Friday: Princess Party Post

Once in a great while, when the moons align and a tender breeze whistles through the dankest sweatshop sewing floor, we here at WTForever 21 press pause on the almost endless vitriol injected into posts to thank the Heavens for Forever 21′s standout selections.

In honor of my birthday tomorrow and impending Princess Party to celebrate it, today’s positive post will highlight all that’s pink and regal in the realm of WTF.

Hold on to your tiaras.

Floral Leatherette Flats: $19.80

It’s Fantastic Friday. Continue reading

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