It’s an epidemic sweeping the nation and it could be affecting your child, your family and your pocket book. Behavior so dangerous, so insidious, you probably won’t even notice your daughter is engaging in it – that is, until it’s too late. I’m writing of course … about Harem Pants.
Leopard Print Pants: $12.90
These Harem Pants, disguised cunningly as “lightweight woven pants” featuring “ruching” at the “side seams,” recently “popped up” in the “Forever 21 girls” section of “Forever21.com”
That’s right, you bunch of fancy ass bitches.
These are Harem Pants FOR PRE-TEENS.
It’s not enough that so many fabulous and fashionable women all over the globe have been taken in and brainwashed by the designer elite to think Harem Pants are socially acceptable and all right to wear in public areas. Now they’re trying to corrupt our CHILDREN?
What’s next for 9-year-old girls? A future where they slap on sweatpants jeans, lamé leopard print skirts and whatever the balls these are for their play dates?
Unless we do something.
Just as you inoculate your kids against illnesses like chicken pox, you can help to immunize them against Harem Pant use by giving them the facts now. Talk to your girls about Harem Pants. Shit, talk to ALL girls about Harem Pants. Stop them in the streets if you have to – this can not happen.
Forever 21, Harem Pant Pushers.
This post goes out to all you ladies and lads who railed against me for hating so super hard on harem pants.
“Try them! They’re really comfy and I get compliments on mine all the time.”
“Not ALL harem pants look bad. You just have to pick the right ones.”
“You just don’t like harem pants because you have dignity and don’t like people laughing behind your back in the streets.”
Ok, I made that last comment up, but regardless!
To all you harem pant loving peeps, I have one thing to say.
Fuck you, because, shit … you were KIND of right.
Zebra Harem Pant: $15.80
I know what you’re gonna say.
Oh, that skirt isn’t so bad. The print is kind of Golden Girls-ish , yes, on the tacky side, certainly, but it’s not a truly ugly thing.
Well, guess what? That’s not a skirt.
IT’S A PAIR OF PANTS.
High Waisted Floral Pants, to be exact. Costing a tidy little sum of $26.00.
It’s like when you see a really tall, OK looking girl and you think, “Oh, she’s kinda pretty. Kind of gangly, if anything.”
Then you get a little closer and realize it’s a dude. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just a little tricky.
Forever 21, WTF?
This will be a controversial post.
There are some among you who, despite everything our eyes, hearts and common damn sense tell us, like the look of harem pants.
If you are one of those poor, unfortunate souls do yourself a favor and check out the bottom half of this screenshot the next time you’re about to strap on a pair of mass-produced Skants, as Regretsy calls them.
Do you really want someone to be reminded of Danny Devito’s turn as the Penguin when they see you wearing these?
As much as I love Danny Devito, I don’t ever want to be compared to him in hushed whispers at a cocktail party. And there is no way you’re going to get with handsome Michael Keaton Batman from 1992 wearing those things.
Today’s exercise in Forever 21 fan gushing will be both a profile one of my (and Michelle Obama’s) personal favorites, J. Crew, as well as a championing of Forever 21′s power in the price game.
For spring, Forever 21 has managed to carve out a chic niche in their normal rotation of 80′s inspired crap-ola and is offering a lot of pieces which borrow heavily from J Crew’s current lineup.
Here are some of the most relevant highlights:
Ruffled Handkerchief Top
Where exactly is a fashionable young genie of the lamp supposed to wear these? There is just NOTHING flattering going on here, although the product description does an admirable job of trying to trick the viewers eyes with clever wording.
“Pleats along the front and back of the pants accentuate the blouson silhouette.”
Name me ONE WOMAN who wants to “accentuate” her “blouson.”
Forever 21, WTF?
These look like the pants that your single, 37-year-old art teacher in third period with the insane home haircut would wear around the house. Not outside. Just for lounging.
Forever 21, WTF?