When 2010, so pregnant with promise, broke its water and gave birth to 80′s harem pant jumpsuits, neon fucking everything, and borderline bigoted “Navajo” trends, it was like checking for all ten toes and fingers on a baby only to find gills, a cloven hoof and little spiked tail instead.
In the probably misguided hope that 2012 will fair better in the fashion department, here’s a list of 5 WTF Trends from 2011 that should be put down this year, in no particular order.
1. Half Sheer/Solid Skirts
Sheer Peasant Skirt: $19.80
Apparently, 2011 was the year your vagina lost its beloved great aunt in a freak boating accident and went into mourning. My condolences.
I blame the rise in popularity of these Frankensteiny, faux Goth, coochie veils on fashion bloggers who went out and photographed themselves living their impossibly fabulous, seemingly jobless lives wearing them.
2. Feathered Jewelry
Vibrant Feather Earrings: $4.80
EARRINGS. Not cat toys, but earrings.
A cat toy.
Honestly, if you wore this trend in 2011 and managed to not get scratched in the face by a cat, you must have Jedi-like reflexes. In which case, I don’t understand why you didn’t use The Force to discover just how bad you looked.
Search your feelings.
You know it to be true.
3. Native and Navajo
Suedette Fringe Arrowhead Top: $17.80
For once, Forever 21 was not the only repeat offender in this unflattering and politically incorrect trend. Native themed clothes and ceremonial medicine bags were trotted out on runways and on racks across the country in what felt like the fashion industries sincerest effort in tasteless irony.
I, for one, happen to think this was all just another ploy on the part of the shadowy and powerful Cat Illuminati to being fringe, yet another of their favorite playthings, back into the world of everyday wear.
5. Jumpsuits and Rompers
Lily Flower Romper: $19.80
These one piece ass snacks that hold the wearer as a naked hostage when they pee we’re so popular in 2011 that Forever 21 gave them their own section in the online catalog.
Well, it was either the popularity of them or an influx of angry emails from people who kept running into them on the site thinking they were cute dresses and wanted them quarantined as a result.
5. Neon/80′s Revival
Long Sleeve Lace Top: $11.80
Admittedly this was the least offensive of the 2011 trends for me but was the most pervasive at the beginning of the year due to the fact that the 80′s revival/neon trend has been persisting for a while.
As cute as this model is, wearing a lace electrical yellow top is not doing her any favors. She looks like she’s wearing Big Bird’s honeymoon lingerie.
Forever 21 and 2011, WTF?