Tag Archives: necklace

Wonderful Wednesday: Perfect Pleats for a Lazy Lady

I’m trying something new this Wonderful Wednesday.

It’s called being too lazy to finish writing up The Great Gatsby inspired post I started last night.

Instead, here’s my clothes thrown on the floor in a way I would wear them!

Jacket: Forever 21 $27.80

Top: Macy’s Bar iii

Skirt: Forever 21 $17.80

Necklace: Dunno

Bracelet: Forever 21 $7.80

Shoes: Michael Antonio $44.99

Ring: Ariel Gordon Jewelry – (I got this for basically free with a coupon code)  $75

WHAT DO YOU THINK

of this new Wonderful Wednesday format? It comes from the purest place of not wanting to either do research or even put on real clothes.

Let me know in the comments!

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Lacquered Pharaoh Necklace: WalkTF Like an Egyptian

Oh, great.

Lacquered Pharaoh Necklace: $8.80

Apparently someone didn’t learn their lesson about Navajo and native “styles” and now we are going to have to endure Egyptian accessories and gladiator sandals and dress that look like sarcophagus.

And also medallions with creepy thousand yard stares.

Look at him. That necklace has SEEN some shit.

Forever 21, WTF?

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The Tie is Too Damn Dye!

I think I’ve figured out why Forever 21 keeps pumping out these unspeakable WTFs.

Rhinestoned Iridescent Butterfly Necklace: $7.80

Embellished Tribal Clutch: $27.80

Boho Feather Earrings: $4.80

Floppy Hat with Flower: $12.80

Geometric Straw Cuff: $4.80

Faceted Clear Bracelet: $4.80

Contrast Spike Bracelet: $6.80

Forever 21, WTF?

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Jurassic WTF

Much like man’s misguided attempt at playing a dinosaur engineering God in the classic film, Jurassic Park, Forever 21 frequently plays a dangerous, dangerous game with the laws of nature.

Mostly the one law of nature in particular that guards against anyone under the age of 45 wearing oversized Southwestern jewelry.

Tribal Chord Necklace: $8.80

This piece of course is a replica of what the ancient Mayans referred to as The Amulet of Eternal Virginity and has served to protect men and women alike from anyone ever trying to bone them.

Even though the amulet’s origins can be traced back to BC, some scholars of Forever Aloneness have asserted its lineage is far more ancient.

Historically accurate rendering.
 

Apparently, dinosaurs like this one had been using the amulet’s design to ward off any sexual advancements from possible mates millions of years ago.

Forever 21, Why Don’t you ever Want us to do Sex?

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Imminent Ned Knows the Horrors of April

Oh God…

Forever 21, WTF?

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Beaders: Beaded Alive

An estimated all of Forever 21 stores in the US are compulsive beaders.

Beaders collect and collect… beads, feathers and other junk.

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Embroidered Necklace: $7.80

And then they add them onto necklaces.

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Beaded Fringe Collar Necklace: $19.80

Forever 21 has had a close relationship with beads their entire life.

In the last few weeks, it’s gotten out of control.

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Tri-tone Fringe Necklace: $7.80

And now this sickness has spread.

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Beaded Fringe Suede Bag: $18.80

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Ancient Princess Earrings: $6.80

If these earrings aren’t an example of chronic bead abuse, I don’t know what is. Every time I walk into their accessories area I feel like I’m going to uncover a cat skeleton under all that plastic and fringe.

Forever 21, Please get the help you need.

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Feathered Bib Bonanza

By the pubic feathers of Daffy Duck, what fresh fowl hell is this?

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Layered Feather Necklace: $12.80

Meanwhile, at the Forever 21 factories, their team of crack designers is hard at work.

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This necklace is the tangible, allergy inducing equivalent of a trend officially jumping the shark. This is literally just a bib of feathers. It looks like fetish wear for Cat Woman. In fact, if any of you try to defend this in the comments, I am going to ignore you and just assume you are indeed a cat or some other feline animal who has taught itself to use a computer or other communicative device.

Forever 21, I CAN HAZ YOO TOU STOPZZZ MEKKING THIS THINGS?

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The Melancholy Tale of the Bold Eagle

Proud Bold Eagle Ring, why do you weep?

Bold Eagle Ring: $3.80

What keeps you up nights, unable to sleep?

Is it the Rhinestone Peacock who glitters like a fairy?

Rhinestone Peacock Bracelet: $14.80

Or for the gay giraffe lovers, who still cannot marry?

Kissing Giraffe Bracelet: $10.80

Is it the taint biting panther that’s got you so down?

Panther Hinge Bracelet: $10.80

Is a psychotic elephant making you frown?

Safari Elephant Ring: $6.80

I know what it is! You’re going to be glad!

It’s the dead eyed horse! That’s what’s got you so mad!

Rhinestone Horse Ring: $5.80

Or maybe this panda is making you sad.

Rhinestone Panda Necklace: $5.80

A bird should fly high! Why ARE you so low?

With the rhinestone rabbit watching you …

Rhinestone Rabbit Ring: $3.80

the world may never know.

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Traveling Clothes: How to Breeze Through Airport Security

Travel.

Is there any bigger pain in the ass?

At the end of this week I’ll be winging my way to New York city via Virgin America, and although I love the Big Apple and all the wonders held therein, I truly loathe the flying process. You’ve got the lines, the long waits for overpriced, under par food, flight delays, crying kids, uncomfortable accommodations, yadda yadda yadda. But of all these inconveniences which are now a reality of the miracle that is modern day transport, security checks  are the only part that aren’t a total crapshoot. At the security line, we all have a nugget of control.

So, in honor of my pending travel plans, I offer a few fool proof ways to get through airport security faster, happier and almost unmolested.

Scalloped Applique Top: $17.80

Save airport security some time by wearing this see-through scalloped top to the terminal. It’ll make it that much easier for the technicians to make sure you’re not smuggling illegal drugs in your womb when you go through the scanner.

Scalloped Chain Necklace: $6.80

You don’t want to set off any alarms. Luckily, this necklace is completely devoid of any metals occurring in nature, allowing you to avoid the embarrassing prospect of being told to take off your accessories by the TSA for security purposes. (What they say to you about taking it off for FASHION purposes most definitely falls under the category of, “That’s not my problem. You’re the one who decided to wear medieval chain mail on your trip to Munich or where ever.)

Slingback Stiletto Heels: $22.80

Now, most travel guides will tell you to wear soft, comfortable, easy going shoes you’ll be able to slip on and off through security. Fuck that! Taking a flight is basically like getting on a public bus and if you’re going to fly the rude and rowdy skies you need some serious backup. While security is doing a cavity search on a little old lady who tried to bring a pair of treezers on board, you can swish your cute little ass right past them wearing these bad boys. ‘Cus the last time I checked, the business end of a platform stiletto still isn’t classified as a weapon, but that don’t mean you couldn’t poke a bitch with it for bogarting the arm rest.

Abstract Dolphin Shorts: $16.90

Have something really embarassing in your bag? Want to sneak that full size shampoo or family pack of self tanner onto the plane? No problem. Just slap on these babies and the security agents will be way too busy trying to figure out how you managed to time travel from the year 19-fugly to notice the wriggling, penis shaped lump in your luggage! Did you fall through a wormhole at the Circle K? Did you befriend an eccentric doctor and come to be in this century by way of wacky and/or serendipitous circumstances? It doesn’t matter. You’re already in your seat, enjoying the full loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter you packed in your carry-on.

Forever 21, Happy Trails!

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Fantastic Friday: Princess Party Post

Once in a great while, when the moons align and a tender breeze whistles through the dankest sweatshop sewing floor, we here at WTForever 21 press pause on the almost endless vitriol injected into posts to thank the Heavens for Forever 21′s standout selections.

In honor of my birthday tomorrow and impending Princess Party to celebrate it, today’s positive post will highlight all that’s pink and regal in the realm of WTF.

Hold on to your tiaras.

Floral Leatherette Flats: $19.80

It’s Fantastic Friday. Continue reading

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