Tag Archives: love

She’s a Pro

I mean, there really is only one thing to say.

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Love for Rent Tank: $13.80

How much?

Forever 21, WTF?

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Cupid’s Picks

As a special treat for Valentine’s Day shoppers, Forever 21 has rolled out a list of gifts personally picked by Cupid, chief among them being sticks of sexual dynamite like this doozy.

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Poisoned Love Fringe Top: $14.80

Sometimes Forever 21′s picks are way off the mark, but I have to give it to them this year. A top like that is sure to make the lampshade of your dreams go ga-ga!

What’s that you say? You mean to tell me you didn’t plan to spend this Valentine’s Day cooking a sumptuous meal for, romancing, reading poetry to and then subsequently banging the shit out of a lampshade by candlelight?

You wanted to attracted a human BEING with this top?

Fine. More for me then.

Forever 21, Furniture Matchmaker.

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Wedding Blog! Maybe.

As a blogger in the fashion world it’s fairly customary to include a large portion of your personal self in posts. And while I do partake in the occasional photo shoot for WTForever 21, I’m not exactly in the same league as a serious stylist blogger.

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Exhibit A.

In fact, despite all my rants and raves, complaints and cry babying over faux fur and floral anything, I manage to keep my personal life pretty well out of WTForever 21.

This is 75% because I don’t think you guys give a shit, with the other 25% falling into the category of “I’m lazy and don’t wanna.”

Recently, however, a Twitter follower implored me to share something personal with the world. Something personal and something I’m so very excited about I can barely believe its actually happening.

Ladies and gentlemen, chickadees and chick magnets, I am officially getting married.

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Now don’t panic. This blog will NOT be turning into a wedding blog or a domestic blog. BUT… I am thinking about starting one on the side. With a cynical, snarky twist, of course.

Now before I decide whether or not to dive headlong into the world of cupcakes, gowns, invites, guest lists and all the chocolate dipped bullshit that comes along with it, I want to know from you all whether or not you’re even interested.

There’s a poll going on the Facebook page where you can give your opinion with a vote OR you can leave me a comment on this post.

So, let me know! Would you like to see a wedding/domestic blog that tackles getting married on a budget with a whole lot of humor and true to life advice thrown in? Or are there too many wedding blogs out there as it is?

Don’t forget to comment here or vote on Facebook!

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What Not to Wear on Your Fantasy Date with Ryan Gosling

You’ve seen them.

We’ve ALL seen them.

And if you saw “Crazy, Stupid, Love” Friday, you definitely saw them.

I’m writing, of course, about Ryan Gosling’s abs.

I mean, come on. Even HE is confused as to how his body is that delicious.

Ladies (and gentlemen, for that matter), if you expect to attract this level of crispy, sexual, high-class swag-manship, you can not run around wearing just any old tribal print, “abstract” jumpsuit or burnt sienna, corduroy clusterfuck of a skirt for which Forever 21 is so unfortunately well known.

Below are the top 5 picks from our favorite bringer of WTFuckery that will definitely keep you far, far away from Ryan Gosling’s galaxy of tasty abs.

Lace & Chiffon Top: $24.80

As our first offender, we have what appears to be a funeral doily or the skirt of a Gothic Christmas tree, apparently meant to keep blackened pine needles AND Ryan Gosling’s abs away.

Sheer Ruffled Button Up Top: $17.80

The ruffles. The peachy, pasty color. The church lady sleeves and odd length. All great if you want to attract 79-year-old men at the Am-vet center. Not so good for attracting 31-year-old abs that made you both cry AND laugh in “The Notebook.”

Crinkled Metallic Motorcycle Jacket: $27.80

How DARE Forever 21 skin the withered nuts of Floridian retirees to make these things! Will their thirst for domination over the leathery sacks of the elderly never be satiated?

Not okay.

Lace Bow Scrunchie: $2.80

This scrunchie is a disgrace and quite frankly, I’m ashamed to even have it on the same page as Ryan Gosling’s luscious abs. Not only is it a fucking scrunchie, but it’s covered in lace! As if just the act of being a scrunchie and existing as an item for PURCHASE outside the date of 1986, was not ENOUGH, it has black LACE all over it. And as a final insult, it has a bow on top. If you think wearing an accessory that is practically a historical artifact of fashion is even going to get you in the vicinity of Ryan Gosling, let alone his abs, you’re nuttier than that ballsack jacket above.


Rhinestone Ring Watch: $12.80

Just because Ryan Gosling has abs so blindingly beautiful they make the sun say, “DAYAM” doesn’t mean you should litter your ring finger with cheap rhinestones and fake gold to compliment them. If you did get close to Ryan Gosling’s abs, all this ring is going to do is embarrass you with a green finger as you rub your trembling hand across his glistening chest. Leave the mini-me mob boss bling at home. Or better yet, in the half-price bin where it belongs, shaming everything else around it.

Forever 21, Stop Clit-Blocking Us.

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