Tag Archives: leggings

Bejeweled Leggings for That Party Bitch

Every now and then, a person pops into our lives who knows how to party.

This is the girl who bleaches her hair, then dyes it, then bleaches it again only to chop it all off the next week.

She swears and smokes and talks shit and rolls joints like a robot made specifically for the purpose of swearing, smoking, talking shit and rolling joints.

She’s a fucking tidal wave. A typhoon with a twister strapped to her back. She dances like a lunatic, makes plans and then breaks them and touches your boyfriend on the chest and thigh in the living room while you’re ralphing in a bucket because you tried to keep up with her wild ass and FAILED because you have organs inside your body and not just hollow storage spaces for narcotics and liquor to gather.

In short, she’s a terrible human being.

We call her, “That Party Bitch.”

These are her leggings.

BejeweledLeggings

BejeweledLeggingsReview

It’s too bad they’re so fragile. That Party Bitch does NOT do hand wash.

Forever 21, Why Are you Setting That Party Bitch Up for Failure?

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Ding, Dong the WTF is Dead!

This reminds me of something.

Mesh Panel Leggings: $12.80

Why do I keep getting a vision of midgets in brightly colored wigs dancing joyfully around these leggings ?

Why am I suddenly thinking about flying monkeys and emeralds and leathery, unnaturally colored skin?

Was Madonna wearing them in her latest music video?

Oh. Right.

Forever 21, WTF?

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Plus-Size Problems

It’s been too long since we took a look at the torture Forever 21 is trying to inflict on big girl bodies across the globe and what better way to kick off the weekend than to re-ignite the debate about whether plus-size ladies should ever wear leopard print leggings.

Shall we delve deeper into the fanciful world of Forever 21′s XXL collection?

Sleek Leopard Leggings: $15.80

LET’S SHALL.

Beat as One Top: $13.80

The cropping on this one is rather unfortunate.

Capri Harem Pants: $17.80

I’m going to tell you something and you’re not going to like it.

Those “capri harem pants” you’re doing that sassy little pose in? Those pants that look to be cutting off your circulation at the waist and ankle, resulting in a build up of flesh right around where your ass should be?

Those is sweatpants, boo. Sweatpants pretending to be capri pants, no less. I guess at least when you’re sweating it out at the club you’ll be appropriately dressed.

Before I even tell you what this is, let’s play a little guessing game to see if you can figure it out just by the photo.

Is it a hair tie meant to accent your Black Swan costume this year?

Is it a church lady hat?

Is it a cat toy?

All wrong.

Feather Front Stretch Belt: $5.80

It’s a belt. Because that’s just what every woman wants. A mess of feathers hovering above her lady parts like a black vulture anus.

Forever 21, WTF?

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Hot Mesh Mess

Until today, I’ve avoided writing much about the half mesh, half solid trend in pants, maxi skirts and dresses this year. I guess I thought it would fix itself or go away on its own, like parking tickets or unidentified  skin rashes (fingers still crossed).  But, alas, upon inspection of Forever 21′s New Arrivals area online, I found more selections in this schizophrenic trend.

Lace Maxi Skirt: $17.80 

Neither sexy nor modest, this hot mess of mesh defies seasons and all fashion logic.

Fishnet Dress: $15.80

Frightening to both fish and man, this dress pulls double duty in the dumpy department.

Lace Maxi Dress: $27.80

This is what Wednesday Adams wore to her Winter formal.

Velvet Burnout Maxi Skirt: $29.80

Just enough leg to be sexy. Just enough fleur de lis to be suspected of traveling to this dimension from an unknown world where  velvet and chiffon peacefully co-exist.

Lace Flare Leggings: $22.80

These bell bottoms are funky. And not in the George Clinton, Atomic Dog, “We Want the Funk, the Whole Funk, Nothin’ But the Funk,” way. More like the “Where in the shit am I going to wear these pants to? A Goth disco party?” way.

Mesh Knit Pants: $17.80

Mesh. Knit. PANTS. Honestly, I mean, the name really does say it all.

Floral Chiffon Pants: $19.80

Chiffon and what look like loose fitting Bermuda shorts underneath. SO turned on right now.

Forever 21, WTF?

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WTFringe Plus-Size Pants of Satan

As most of you know by now, I’m not exactly the most religious person. But, at times likes these, when faced with the sheer level of WTFness displayed below, I can not help but be consumed with the idea that, yes, the Devil exists and he is designing plus-size clothes for Forever 21.

Fringe Trim Leggings: $19.80

Sweet Lord, swing low and see me through this.

Get thee behind me, FRINGE!

The greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing the world fringe is ever ok.

Forever 21, And What begat The. And The begat Fuck.

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Dress Like There’s Nobody Watching

Well before the dawn of modern Hipsterdom, adventurous young men and women began flirting with the fashion line between counter culture trends and just plain looking like you got dressed in the damn dark. In the photo below (sent to me by the very Diva-licious Aldo of WhatHadHappa.com) a brave mannequin at the Forever 21 in Salinas, CA took the whole “mirrors or eyes or a sense of  complimentary colors and patterns are SO mainstream” look to a different level this weekend.

The hideousness of this ensemble is, I assume, without question, but there is one mystery still to be uncovered in this unfortunate photo (well, besides the obvious “Why would you ever do this?”).

Is that mannequin … or a MANnequin? As in, a statue with testosterone? As in, meant to be wearing male clothing? Our intrepid photographer tells us he spied this delight in the lady’s section but I am dubious. The legs are pin thin enough and the shoulders are far too broad for a Forever 21 women’s display.

What do you all think? Does this dude look like a lady or does this lady just look like a douche?

Forever 21, WTF?

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Le Costume Post: Part 1

CATS.

They’re what drives the Internet, what makes it, and keeps us yearning, churning, day after day, distracting us from our humdrum little lives. They get billions of hits and appeal to everyone from the tiniest tot to the oldest codger. They’re watching you from the ceiling. They’re in your computer eating your interwebs. And they’re CONSTANTLY asking for cheeseburgers.

They’re also apparently what makes us strap on tits-to-toe stretchy, leopard print lace jogging suits and roll around on the floor for 15 minutes.

Lace Leopard Jacket: $19.80

Lace Leopard Leggings: $13.80

I know this looks bad, but hear me out – I have absolutely no good explanation for this scene.

It started out innocently enough with a Redbook article from 1977 that listed “18 Ways to Feel Prettier – Right Now!”  One of which was a suggestion to unleash your animal instincts by working in a sassy splash of animal print in your everyday wardrobe. Animal print? Sassy? Everyday? Wardrobe? The hunt was on. And as with most trends, I think I took it a little too far.

So, okay, it’s not so much a splash as it is a big ol’ tidal wave of WTF, but when I saw the leggings and matching jacket in the Forever 21 store tonight I gasped. These twins of synthetic wonder were just what I needed to spice things up around the old homestead. Or the laundry mat. Or the post office. Or at my boyfriend’s place of business. Where ever. And at the very least, they could be reused in October as a last minute cat costume of some kind. All I need is the ears and tail and no one has to know I wore this to run errands at Safeway two days prior.

It’s sheer, it’s probably HIGHLY flammable and it illicits the wrong kind of attention in a Safeway parking lot, but, damnit, I have to admit, it was fun to wear, and for a cheapo, slutty Halloween costume on the fly, it ain’t too shabby. I still don’t know why Forever 21 puts what is clearly meant to be worn as a Halloween costume or outfit for a Purim parade in their normal rotation of street wear. I suppose some mysteries, like LOLcats and women who wear head-to-toe leopard print, were never meant to be solved.

Forever 21, I Can Has Cheezburger?

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Same WTF, Different Day

Yesterday I took a break from my regularly scheduled cave dwelling existence and ventured out into the belly of the neon beast that is Forever 21.

It took all of 30 seconds and three steps inside the store before I came face to face with my own personal tribal nightmare.

Which I promptly purchased.

Top: Forever 21 $17.80

Leggings: Forever 21 $10.80

Heels: Nine West

Drink it in, lovelies. This is what REAL WTF looks like.

You may all remember the leggings from a previous post about Tribal Trend Tragedies. The top is a new edition, although well deserving of a tragic title on its own.

Despite being 100% pure “suedette,” the fringe was quite disappointing. It just didn’t flow, didn’t MOVE the way I’d hoped.

So I did that cool model trick when they jump in the air and everything looks fluid and amazing … only I did it SLIGHTLY less gracefully.

Okay, fuck, A LOT less gracefully.

Looks like the Wicked Witch of the Southwest.

Forever 21, WTF?

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