Seriously, dafuq is this?
Crinkle and Cuffed Shorts: $24.80
Looks like what the Three Musketeers would wear on MTV Spring Break in Daytona Beach.
After they finish reveling in the streets they are going to strap on those crotch leathers and dropeth it like it is hot.
Forever 21, Whateth the Fucketh?
Ah, the true and comforting signs of Winter. The days get shorter. The mid-morning lines at Starbucks get longer. And suddenly, you go from galavanting in the crisp Fall with your chic scarves and light weight layers, to bundling up like a baby in swaddling clothes or a sausage rolled in puff pastry.
In essence, you need jackets & coats. Jackets & coats to go from the car to the front door. Jackets & coats for heading to work in the morning and going out with the girls at night. If you even have a dream about leaving the house, you need jackets & coats.
So in honor of this Wonderful Wednesday, here are some tasty, toasty offerings from Forever 21, good for any cold weather occasion.
Crest Button Knit Jacket: $29.80
Bundle up, beautiful. It’s Wonderful Wednesday. Continue reading
No matter how many attempts Forever 21 makes at using pleather in an appropriate way, they still manage to miss the mark nearly every damn time.
Leatherette Shortall: $24.80
Feast your eyes. I mean, good gravy. The only place this would be appropriate is an S&M hoe down, and trust me, you don’t want to go to one of those. BYOB takes on a WHOLE other meaning.
HINT: The other meaning is “Bring Your Own Buttplug”
Forever 21, WTF?
Look! Up in the club! It’s a bird, it’s a plane – no it’s …
Fitted Leatherette Dress: $24.80
Yes, Club Girl. Faster than a speeding skank on Sunset Blvd., more powerful than an authentic can of Fourloko and able to leap tall doormen in a single bound!
Club Girl’s abilities include Super Head, incredible Hater-Vision which allows her to spot “all the bitches that be hatin’ up in here,” and is imbued with impenetrable silicone breast bags able boost both her earning potentional as a mild mannered go-go dancer and also boost her sense of self worth. Her powerful Bumpit of Truth (not pictured here) gives her the ability to “tell it like it is.” This power could be used to solve any number of world issues, but is most often used to say things like, “That bitch needs to stop eating, for reals. She should NOT be wearing that. WHAT!? I tell it like it is.”
Club Girl’s only weakness is Last Call and the Harsh Realities of the Next Morning, which sap her of her powers and can reduce her to a clingy whiner who wants to “get some breakfast” or “hang out later today, or something.” The antidote for this is aspirin, greasy foods and the Morning After Pill.
(Cape, thigh high boots, Bumpit of Truth and bag full of nondescript pills and multi-colored condoms not included in this costume.)
Forever 21, WTF?
Now, I like Halloween just as much as the next girl. I even enjoy the vast variety of slutty, adult themed Halloween costume outfits ladies wear in the last night of our cool Octobers. I partake in the sexy Halloween costume outfit wearing as well. Last year I marauded up and down the West AND East sides of Los Angeles costumed as the bustiest damned girl scout on planet Earth.
But come on. Forever 21, isn’t it a little early to be stocking tan pleather booty shorts with a lace-up front? It’s barely August!
To be fair, they were just featured as a tease in the photoshoot for this generic flanel shirt, but bitch please. You can’t expect to trot out nonsensical ass coverings such as this and have no one inquire about them. It’s just not done. This, the tribal trends and a whole host of very costume outfit inspired accessories has got me ITCHING for skanky costume ideas. And when it comes to an excuse to get crunk, go pre-court order FourLoko and bare some sweet T&A, you can’t do better than Halloween.
Look for a full-blown costume outfits post in the coming weeks.
Forever 21, Trick or Treat.