Tag Archives: lace

Wonderful Wednesday: Palms Springs Getaway

One thing I love about being an adult is the ability to design and decide my own vacations.

You see, I’m turning 28 in August of this year and after much deliberation and doubt and a whole lot of “I’m too old to celebrate my birthday” thoughts, I have decided on not only WHAT I want to do for my birthday but also on where I want to be.

And that where happens to be in the desert. Palm Springs to be exact. The crazy hipster haven of The Ace Hotel in Palm Springs to be even more so.

Photos courtesy of Flickr users massdistraction, joeywan and Mathew Foster.

Just picture it. Sun, fun, drinks, cabanas, fire, food and poolside shenanigans. Baking in the delightful haze of cheeseburgers and frozen liquor treats. All this and more I could not resist.

Now there’s only one thing left to do, chickens.

Plan the outfits!

Get ready for the hot, hot heat!

It’s Wonderful Wednesday.

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Wonderful Wednesday: Act Like a Lady, Dress Like a Dame

I love summertime.

Summertime, when the days are long and warm and we can spend weekends in the grass, dining on ripe, red strawberries like fat little rabbits. When legs go bare and shoulder blades brown up in the golden sun.

 Right now the trend is neon colored hipster frenzy in tube tops and cheesy cut offs, but today I am calling for a return to the lady-like art of summer wear.

Time to put on your big girl pants.

It’s Wonderful Wednesday.

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Reader WTF: Forever 21 Mannequins Pull Double Duty

Reader Anjanie caught her local Forever 21 mannequins dropping it like it was ever so hot this week.

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I have to admit, it looks less like dancing and more like someone in a line outside a Hollywood club who dropped their birth control pill on the sidewalk and is trying to pinch it off the curb between their press on nails.

Delightfully seedy.

Forever 21, Ohh, girl, no.

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The Jeans Formerly Known as WTF

There’s only one explanation for these inexplicable jeans.

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Lace Inset Bell Bottom Jeans: $29.80

Forever 21 has allowed a roadie for Prince to design some of their clothes.

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Forever 21, Why are you Allowing Unqualified Prince Fans to Make Clothing?

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Forever 21 Puts Religion & Hypocrisy Up Front

It’s often said we women are full of contradictions. We can be both Madonna and whore, child and woman, protector and wrathful harbinger of war. Some of us are just crazier than a shit house rat, but most of us are just exercising the right to express ourselves. And although the freedom to change your mind is a precious one worth fighting for, being a hypocrite does not fall under the same righteous protection.

Draped Cross Tee: $14.80

This is where my problem with Forever 21′s religious leanings come into major play. With the Christmas season officially here and the holy holiday fast approaching, Forever 21 has released a brand new batch of religious tees. The family-owned retailer’s religious leanings have been well documented and I have taken issue with their scripture on shirts and messages sent personally from God via burnout tee, but this fresh crop of tops jumped out at me because most of them were either styled with or sold right next to some of Forever 21′s skantiest club wear, on full display for anyone from club rats and good Christian girls to purchase and wear to the New Year parties.

Now, I know people say women can wear whatever they want. Yes, they can.

And just because you’re dressed like a tarted up street walker on Saturday night and grind on a stranger’s bulge to song lyrics that say “you’s a sexy bitch” and “nothing you could compare to your neighborhood hoe” (keep in mind, he’s trying to be respectful here), doesn’t mean you can’t come into church on Sunday morning and sing with the choir about the goodness of the Lord. You can do that, yes.

You can say you follow the holy tenants of the good book and say you abide by its rules and say you have Christ in your heart while you peddle sequin crop tops sold in photos by barely legal looking models. You can say you do all those things. But saying it and not living it also makes you a hypocrite. And saying it and making a hefty profit from it, makes you something worse.

Let’s take a look at some of Forever 21′s most recent religious fashion offerings and put them into a little context.

Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

Do Unto Others Burnout Top: $15.80

OR just

Do What you Want Top: $15.90

It is often said, it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

Blessed Tee: $15.80

So why don’t you turn around and give us all a little sugar?

Sugar Knit Boyshort: $3.80

Truth Fringed Tee: $17.80

Unless you don’t want it to.

Cropped Fake Tee: $17.80

Be a saint…

Saint Fringe Tee: $15.80

OR be a sparkle tube top sinner.

Crop Sequin Tube Top: $9.80

Sequins Strapless Bandeau: $8.80

Say, “Amen.”

Amen Lace Tee: $14.80

Then show a little skin.

Pray.

Pray Lace Tee: $15.80

Then strap on your sequin booty shorts and party!

Party Girl Crop Tee: $14.80

The only religious themed top I found at Forever 21 which seemed to jive nicely with the rest of the clothes on their site was this eat, drink and be merry top.

Eat Drink Be Merry Tee: $15.80

I’m not a person who condones hypocrisy, but this is a message I can really get behind.

Forever 21, Merry Christmas.

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Exotic WTFolk

Although it might look easy to all you wonderful WTFers out there in Interweb land, diving into the daily pit of “excuse me, for reals, you did NOT just try to charge people $32.90 for that” which is Forever 21′s inventory is no simple task.

It takes patience, nimble fingers, sheer will and determination to cull the craziest shit from the mega-retailer’s online catalog. And just like on their physical stores, things online at Forever 21 are usually a scattered mess.

But not today.

BEHOLD – The Exotic Folk selection.

Beads, faux fur, fringe, looped yarn – all collected into one section with a floppy pink hat wearing mascot to guide your way. It’s like an all you can guffaw buffet up in here.

Damn.

Bead Trim Faux Fur Vest: $27.80

Haven’t seen a bugle bead in a long while, but damned if it isn’t taking center stage right in front of my face in the year 2011. This is what is known as Sherpa Chic. You could scale a mountain with the intent of yodeling or just use it to springboard your career as a Ricola commercial extra. Lots of choices with this one.

Suede Fringe Jacket: $59.80

Okay, before you even CONSIDER purchasing this, let me just ask you to think about your life choices for a second and whether you want everyone calling you Big Bird’s Lesbian Biker Sister. And have you heard the sound heavy, suede fringe makes when it hits other heavy materials? It’s like a stampede of miniature horses are following you around at all times. Madness.

Fringe Lace Poncho: $19.80

NOPE. Absolutely not. I am having none of this. I look at this and I say, “No, thank you. I will have none.”

Forever 21, WTFolk?

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Hot Mesh Mess

Until today, I’ve avoided writing much about the half mesh, half solid trend in pants, maxi skirts and dresses this year. I guess I thought it would fix itself or go away on its own, like parking tickets or unidentified  skin rashes (fingers still crossed).  But, alas, upon inspection of Forever 21′s New Arrivals area online, I found more selections in this schizophrenic trend.

Lace Maxi Skirt: $17.80 

Neither sexy nor modest, this hot mess of mesh defies seasons and all fashion logic.

Fishnet Dress: $15.80

Frightening to both fish and man, this dress pulls double duty in the dumpy department.

Lace Maxi Dress: $27.80

This is what Wednesday Adams wore to her Winter formal.

Velvet Burnout Maxi Skirt: $29.80

Just enough leg to be sexy. Just enough fleur de lis to be suspected of traveling to this dimension from an unknown world where  velvet and chiffon peacefully co-exist.

Lace Flare Leggings: $22.80

These bell bottoms are funky. And not in the George Clinton, Atomic Dog, “We Want the Funk, the Whole Funk, Nothin’ But the Funk,” way. More like the “Where in the shit am I going to wear these pants to? A Goth disco party?” way.

Mesh Knit Pants: $17.80

Mesh. Knit. PANTS. Honestly, I mean, the name really does say it all.

Floral Chiffon Pants: $19.80

Chiffon and what look like loose fitting Bermuda shorts underneath. SO turned on right now.

Forever 21, WTF?

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What Not to Wear on Your Fantasy Date with Ryan Gosling

You’ve seen them.

We’ve ALL seen them.

And if you saw “Crazy, Stupid, Love” Friday, you definitely saw them.

I’m writing, of course, about Ryan Gosling’s abs.

I mean, come on. Even HE is confused as to how his body is that delicious.

Ladies (and gentlemen, for that matter), if you expect to attract this level of crispy, sexual, high-class swag-manship, you can not run around wearing just any old tribal print, “abstract” jumpsuit or burnt sienna, corduroy clusterfuck of a skirt for which Forever 21 is so unfortunately well known.

Below are the top 5 picks from our favorite bringer of WTFuckery that will definitely keep you far, far away from Ryan Gosling’s galaxy of tasty abs.

Lace & Chiffon Top: $24.80

As our first offender, we have what appears to be a funeral doily or the skirt of a Gothic Christmas tree, apparently meant to keep blackened pine needles AND Ryan Gosling’s abs away.

Sheer Ruffled Button Up Top: $17.80

The ruffles. The peachy, pasty color. The church lady sleeves and odd length. All great if you want to attract 79-year-old men at the Am-vet center. Not so good for attracting 31-year-old abs that made you both cry AND laugh in “The Notebook.”

Crinkled Metallic Motorcycle Jacket: $27.80

How DARE Forever 21 skin the withered nuts of Floridian retirees to make these things! Will their thirst for domination over the leathery sacks of the elderly never be satiated?

Not okay.

Lace Bow Scrunchie: $2.80

This scrunchie is a disgrace and quite frankly, I’m ashamed to even have it on the same page as Ryan Gosling’s luscious abs. Not only is it a fucking scrunchie, but it’s covered in lace! As if just the act of being a scrunchie and existing as an item for PURCHASE outside the date of 1986, was not ENOUGH, it has black LACE all over it. And as a final insult, it has a bow on top. If you think wearing an accessory that is practically a historical artifact of fashion is even going to get you in the vicinity of Ryan Gosling, let alone his abs, you’re nuttier than that ballsack jacket above.


Rhinestone Ring Watch: $12.80

Just because Ryan Gosling has abs so blindingly beautiful they make the sun say, “DAYAM” doesn’t mean you should litter your ring finger with cheap rhinestones and fake gold to compliment them. If you did get close to Ryan Gosling’s abs, all this ring is going to do is embarrass you with a green finger as you rub your trembling hand across his glistening chest. Leave the mini-me mob boss bling at home. Or better yet, in the half-price bin where it belongs, shaming everything else around it.

Forever 21, Stop Clit-Blocking Us.

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Lace Printed Cardigan

Just because we all know Wednesdays are wonderful doesn’t mean Forever 21 gets any slack!

Check out this future $1 bin reject.

This looks like something Blanche from The Golden Girls would throw on when she was feeling particularly sassy.

At least you know what to bury your loud mouthed aunt Jenny in when she finally passes.

Price: An almost insulting $32.00

As if having taste that bad isn’t punishment enough, Forever 21 has also decided to add insult to injury by charging the price of a decent meal for this monstrosity.

Forever 21, WTF?

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