Tag Archives: jurassic park

Zippered Raptor Daisy Top

Leave it to Forever 21 to make a cheetah, one of the most badass, awesome, stealth, adorable when babies, animals on the planet look totally fucking lame.

Zippered Cheetah Daisy Top: $17.80

Let’s apply the same treatment to another animal and see if we can’t make it look like a desperate, old hippie whore as well.

Devastating.

What was once an iconic villain of my childhood is instantly reduced to the Tammy Faye Baker of prehistoric reptiles.

Newflash, Forever 21 – cheetahs and raptors do not need pink eye shadow to look awesome.

Forever 21, WTF?

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Jurassic WTF

Much like man’s misguided attempt at playing a dinosaur engineering God in the classic film, Jurassic Park, Forever 21 frequently plays a dangerous, dangerous game with the laws of nature.

Mostly the one law of nature in particular that guards against anyone under the age of 45 wearing oversized Southwestern jewelry.

Tribal Chord Necklace: $8.80

This piece of course is a replica of what the ancient Mayans referred to as The Amulet of Eternal Virginity and has served to protect men and women alike from anyone ever trying to bone them.

Even though the amulet’s origins can be traced back to BC, some scholars of Forever Aloneness have asserted its lineage is far more ancient.

Historically accurate rendering.
 

Apparently, dinosaurs like this one had been using the amulet’s design to ward off any sexual advancements from possible mates millions of years ago.

Forever 21, Why Don’t you ever Want us to do Sex?

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