Any smart, enterprising young man today knows that in order to survive in the concrete jungle you’ve got to think on your feet, protect your rep and maintain a constant air of mysteriously intriguing aloofness all at once.
And above all else, you have GOT to stay crisp.
But how does a sporting chap of meager means compete in the world of corporate sirship?
Two words – One Way of Life: Casual Camo.
Casual Camo Vest: $27.90
Well, hello there.
Camouflage Tie: $9.90
Combine the two for maximum stealthy sex mode effect.
My God… it’s like his entire torso is invisible to the naked eye yet at once irresistible to my lady senses.
I also have a strong desire to give him a raise … and go duck hunting.
Forever 21, Like a Boss.
The Fall selection of WTF has officially rolled out at Forever 21 and with it all manner of inexplicable item has appeared. Some items are even making encores!
Combination Hood Scarf: $18.80
This scarf hoodie combo was originally compared on WTForever 21 to James Earl Jones’ ceremonial head piece as seen here.
The resemblance is quite striking.
Now, despite this thing looking like Thulsa Doom’s finest evening wear and despite the print looking like a Cosby sweater took a dump all over it, the combo hood and scarf must have been a good seller because Forever 21 has seen fit to up the price from $14.80 last November to $18.80 this October.
Or maybe by November it was just already on sale.
Forever 21, WTF?
When I opened up Forever 21′s online catalog this morning I did not expect to be hit in the face with a big, fatty irony stick. Then again, no one expects the big, fatty irony stick.
Now, I’ve not so secretly disliked this whole “tribal” and native trend where hipsters slap on replicas of sacred prayer beads, medicine bags and all manner of clothing depicting Native Americans (or American Indians, if you prefer) in the most stereotypical form possible, and Forever 21 has been at the very forefront of promoting this trend.
Chiefs Burnout Top: $11.92
Take this top for example, marked down from $14.90 as part of the Columbus Day sale.
Maybe you didn’t catch that …
AS PART OF THE COLUMBUS DAY SALE.
Ugh. It’s like the mutant spawn of one of Michael Jackson’s gloves.
Sequin Jacket with Hood: $32.80
The next leap in looking creepy and insane at your molestation trial has arrived. For once I think the styling choice in this photo is entirely appropriate. What better way to show people you’re a normal adult, worthy of their trust, who isn’t a sex pervert than to strap some awkwardly baggy pleather shorts to your almost non-existent rump for when you waltz into your court date four hours late?
If you like this hoodie, fine, as always, wear it. Be my guest.
Just don’t blame me when the dead and Paula Abdul rise around you and start forcing you to participate in intricately choreographed dance numbers.
What? What’s that you’re saying? SLOW DOWN, I can’t understand you over the full body, heaving sobs!
Oh. OHHH. You didn’t get what you wanted from the Missoni for Target collection? You got to Target yesterday morning specifically FOR the Missoni for Target collection at 6am only to watch helplessly as a frenzy of over-caffeinated women tore ass across the store, leaving with shopping carts piled high with two of everything, like some kind of crazy Zig Zag printed Noah’s Ark?
Well, don’t be sad! Forever 21 has got your back with their OWN (albeit completely unsanctioned) Missoni-esque designs!
Zig Zag Dress: $22.80
Click away from that eBay listing, honey.
It’s Wonderful Wednesday. Continue reading