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What Not to Wear on New Years Eve

New Years Eve is a beast of a holiday. It combines the unrealistic expectations of Valentine’s Day, the excessive drinking of a 21st birthday and all the outfit fretting of Halloween rolled into one ridiculous evening that by definition can’t help but disappoint.

This is made even worse by the assumption you should look like your outfit was weaved out of unicorn manes, your make up was applied by a magical fairy godmother and your hair was laid perfectly into place by singing woodland creatures.

Just in case you don’t have a team of fashion savvy mice to sew you a ball gown in time for this December 31, here’s a list of items to avoid wearing as you ring in the new year.

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Headwrap: $3.80

This is why Swamis and genies of the lamp do not get laid on New Years Eve. That and they’re too busy either following a deeply spiritual, religious path or being a mythical creature of lore.

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Bodycon Zebra Dress: $19.80

Pro tip: If you can avoid looking like you skinned a gay pride zebra and dipped it in Presto Polyester juice, please try. This is not cute.

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Sequined Bomber Jacket: $19.80

Unless you plan on doing a slow motion cannon ball off a tall building to coincide with the midnight countdown, do not place this glittering mistake on your body.

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Sequined Beret: $18.80

Girl, do I even have to say anything. Disco Mushroom is not a good look for anyone, especially at midnight. Make the resolution to keep your dignity in 2012.

Forever 21, Happy New Year!

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