Day by day, bit by maddening patchwork, leatherette and leopard print bit, Forever 21 continues to release key pieces of costume outfits on the unsuspecting general public, disguised (poorly) as regular everyday clothing.
The following cardigan is a happy inclusion in the unintentional costume category.
Purl Knit Open Cardigan: $32.80
Part of what I hear Forever 21 is internally calling their “Homeless Haute Couture” collection, this long cardigan lacks style, form, function and all sense of appropriateness for life in general.
It also probably smells like it looks, which is like unwashed ass pickled in street stank. No matter how hard I try and no matter how much I know it not to be true, I keep imaging the model’s face covered in a patchy beard with an even patchier grin peaking out of it.
I have issues.
Forever 21, Spare Change? What? Fuck you, I know you have some!
Look! Up in the club! It’s a bird, it’s a plane – no it’s …
Fitted Leatherette Dress: $24.80
Yes, Club Girl. Faster than a speeding skank on Sunset Blvd., more powerful than an authentic can of Fourloko and able to leap tall doormen in a single bound!
Club Girl’s abilities include Super Head, incredible Hater-Vision which allows her to spot “all the bitches that be hatin’ up in here,” and is imbued with impenetrable silicone breast bags able boost both her earning potentional as a mild mannered go-go dancer and also boost her sense of self worth. Her powerful Bumpit of Truth (not pictured here) gives her the ability to “tell it like it is.” This power could be used to solve any number of world issues, but is most often used to say things like, “That bitch needs to stop eating, for reals. She should NOT be wearing that. WHAT!? I tell it like it is.”
Club Girl’s only weakness is Last Call and the Harsh Realities of the Next Morning, which sap her of her powers and can reduce her to a clingy whiner who wants to “get some breakfast” or “hang out later today, or something.” The antidote for this is aspirin, greasy foods and the Morning After Pill.
(Cape, thigh high boots, Bumpit of Truth and bag full of nondescript pills and multi-colored condoms not included in this costume.)
Forever 21, WTF?
Now, I like Halloween just as much as the next girl. I even enjoy the vast variety of slutty, adult themed Halloween costume outfits ladies wear in the last night of our cool Octobers. I partake in the sexy Halloween costume outfit wearing as well. Last year I marauded up and down the West AND East sides of Los Angeles costumed as the bustiest damned girl scout on planet Earth.
But come on. Forever 21, isn’t it a little early to be stocking tan pleather booty shorts with a lace-up front? It’s barely August!
To be fair, they were just featured as a tease in the photoshoot for this generic flanel shirt, but bitch please. You can’t expect to trot out nonsensical ass coverings such as this and have no one inquire about them. It’s just not done. This, the tribal trends and a whole host of very costume outfit inspired accessories has got me ITCHING for skanky costume ideas. And when it comes to an excuse to get crunk, go pre-court order FourLoko and bare some sweet T&A, you can’t do better than Halloween.
Look for a full-blown costume outfits post in the coming weeks.
Forever 21, Trick or Treat.