Although it might look easy to all you wonderful WTFers out there in Interweb land, diving into the daily pit of “excuse me, for reals, you did NOT just try to charge people $32.90 for that” which is Forever 21′s inventory is no simple task.
It takes patience, nimble fingers, sheer will and determination to cull the craziest shit from the mega-retailer’s online catalog. And just like on their physical stores, things online at Forever 21 are usually a scattered mess.
But not today.
BEHOLD – The Exotic Folk selection.
Beads, faux fur, fringe, looped yarn – all collected into one section with a floppy pink hat wearing mascot to guide your way. It’s like an all you can guffaw buffet up in here.
Bead Trim Faux Fur Vest: $27.80
Haven’t seen a bugle bead in a long while, but damned if it isn’t taking center stage right in front of my face in the year 2011. This is what is known as Sherpa Chic. You could scale a mountain with the intent of yodeling or just use it to springboard your career as a Ricola commercial extra. Lots of choices with this one.
Suede Fringe Jacket: $59.80
Okay, before you even CONSIDER purchasing this, let me just ask you to think about your life choices for a second and whether you want everyone calling you Big Bird’s Lesbian Biker Sister. And have you heard the sound heavy, suede fringe makes when it hits other heavy materials? It’s like a stampede of miniature horses are following you around at all times. Madness.
Fringe Lace Poncho: $19.80
NOPE. Absolutely not. I am having none of this. I look at this and I say, “No, thank you. I will have none.”
Forever 21, WTFolk?
No matter how famous, no matter how fabulous, no matter how infinitely, unflappably gorgeous a gal might be, everyone is susceptible to the dangers of Fringe.
Ombre Fringe Top: $17.80
This exquisite creature, as lovely as a fluffy little bunny in the hands of an innocent child, looks sideways at the unseen stylist who put her in this top, as if to say, “Seriously? A t-shirt with a long, gradient two-toned fringe bib?”
Exactly WHO would this flatter and who would want to wear this? Women who’d like to eat messy ribs and experience only marginal success at blocking the sauce from hitting their t-shirt?
As most of you know by now, I’m not exactly the most religious person. But, at times likes these, when faced with the sheer level of WTFness displayed below, I can not help but be consumed with the idea that, yes, the Devil exists and he is designing plus-size clothes for Forever 21.
Fringe Trim Leggings: $19.80
Sweet Lord, swing low and see me through this.
Get thee behind me, FRINGE!
The greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing the world fringe is ever ok.
Forever 21, And What begat The. And The begat Fuck.
They’re not just for chronically single, 42-year-old homeroom teachers anymore.
Suedette Fringe Vest: $19.80
I really shouldn’t be too hard on this vest, though. It did take time out of it’s busy schedule doing Wicca and listening to Tori Amos’ full discography to be here with us today.
That Vest was Disgusting
Ombre Fringe Necklace: $8.80
Yesterday I took a break from my regularly scheduled cave dwelling existence and ventured out into the belly of the neon beast that is Forever 21.
It took all of 30 seconds and three steps inside the store before I came face to face with my own personal tribal nightmare.
Which I promptly purchased.
Top: Forever 21 $17.80
Leggings: Forever 21 $10.80
Heels: Nine West
Drink it in, lovelies. This is what REAL WTF looks like.
You may all remember the leggings from a previous post about Tribal Trend Tragedies. The top is a new edition, although well deserving of a tragic title on its own.
Despite being 100% pure “suedette,” the fringe was quite disappointing. It just didn’t flow, didn’t MOVE the way I’d hoped.
So I did that cool model trick when they jump in the air and everything looks fluid and amazing … only I did it SLIGHTLY less gracefully.
Okay, fuck, A LOT less gracefully.
Looks like the Wicked Witch of the Southwest.
Forever 21, WTF?