Now, you all know I love a good fringe dress that looks like the big, patchy bush of Paul Bunyan’s wife …
Fringed Open Knit Dress: $29.80
But the fact is, I haven’t seen this much ratty looking beige curtain since Britney Spears shaved her head and stopped stumbling out of moving vehicles.
Forever 21, WTF?
I am so excited about this, I just can’t even begin.
The lovely Joanna from www.maqaroon.com created this awesome manga portrait of me in all the WTF accouterments.
Obnoxiously bright headband with large rosettes!
Many chunky bangles in neon colors!
Demented owl necklace!
Leopard print fringe body suit!!
This is damn masterpiece.
Check out other street style manga portraits on Joanna’s blog: http://www.maqaroon.com/blog.php
I think Forever 21 may be experiencing The Little Mermaid effect with these tassel earrings.
Ombre Tassel Earrings: $5.80
You know that scene when she thinks the fork is a comb?
She was confused.
Just like you seem to be confusing those titty danglers for ear adornments.
Fixed that for you.
When is this going to stop happening?
Ombre Fringe Slub Top: $17.80
When are these sadists going to stop doing this to breasts?
Who, besides people with a strangely specific fetish for aging horse manes draped over lady lumps, is this appealing to?
It’s like a nipple car wash that doesn’t actually wash nipples or cars and just causes confusion.
It looks like she has one of Nicki Minaj’s wigs draped over her tits.
Oh yeah. That looks normal.
Forever 21, WTF?
Turns out there wasn’t a lot of demand for a jacket so sad it cries fake suede tears.
Forever 21, Thanks for the Discount but … No Thanks.
As a special treat for Valentine’s Day shoppers, Forever 21 has rolled out a list of gifts personally picked by Cupid, chief among them being sticks of sexual dynamite like this doozy.
Poisoned Love Fringe Top: $14.80
Sometimes Forever 21′s picks are way off the mark, but I have to give it to them this year. A top like that is sure to make the lampshade of your dreams go ga-ga!
What’s that you say? You mean to tell me you didn’t plan to spend this Valentine’s Day cooking a sumptuous meal for, romancing, reading poetry to and then subsequently banging the shit out of a lampshade by candlelight?
You wanted to attracted a human BEING with this top?
Fine. More for me then.
Forever 21, Furniture Matchmaker.
No matter how many times I see some model photographed for Forever 21 with a grimace on her face, no matter how many times I notice the look of sheer “no fucks given,” I STILL cackle.
Fringe Trim Tank: $15.80
Seriously, let’s not even discuss the ridiculous, tribal, fringe frenzy on her torso. Let’s instead direct our attention to the main attraction. The deliciously “meh” main attraction.
This is the facial expression equivalent of phrases like, “It is what it is” or “What’re you gonna do?” and “Ya can’t fight city hall.”
I’ve seen women eating salads who look like they’re having a better time.
Forever 21, Get that bitch some lettuce.
Sooo … you do know Halloween is over, right?
Fringed Suedette Jacket: $39.80
You DO know people are done dressing up like sexy little Tiger Lily sluts, correct?
And that no one is trying to rock the Lone Rider, 1950s television western interpretation of what cowboys looked like – am I to understand you ARE fully aware of this fact?
I mean, I know YOU know damn well jackets shouldn’t have laces. I’m just confused as to why this exists.
Forever 21, WTF?
Although it might look easy to all you wonderful WTFers out there in Interweb land, diving into the daily pit of “excuse me, for reals, you did NOT just try to charge people $32.90 for that” which is Forever 21′s inventory is no simple task.
It takes patience, nimble fingers, sheer will and determination to cull the craziest shit from the mega-retailer’s online catalog. And just like on their physical stores, things online at Forever 21 are usually a scattered mess.
But not today.
BEHOLD – The Exotic Folk selection.
Beads, faux fur, fringe, looped yarn – all collected into one section with a floppy pink hat wearing mascot to guide your way. It’s like an all you can guffaw buffet up in here.
Bead Trim Faux Fur Vest: $27.80
Haven’t seen a bugle bead in a long while, but damned if it isn’t taking center stage right in front of my face in the year 2011. This is what is known as Sherpa Chic. You could scale a mountain with the intent of yodeling or just use it to springboard your career as a Ricola commercial extra. Lots of choices with this one.
Suede Fringe Jacket: $59.80
Okay, before you even CONSIDER purchasing this, let me just ask you to think about your life choices for a second and whether you want everyone calling you Big Bird’s Lesbian Biker Sister. And have you heard the sound heavy, suede fringe makes when it hits other heavy materials? It’s like a stampede of miniature horses are following you around at all times. Madness.
Fringe Lace Poncho: $19.80
NOPE. Absolutely not. I am having none of this. I look at this and I say, “No, thank you. I will have none.”
Forever 21, WTFolk?
No matter how famous, no matter how fabulous, no matter how infinitely, unflappably gorgeous a gal might be, everyone is susceptible to the dangers of Fringe.
Ombre Fringe Top: $17.80
This exquisite creature, as lovely as a fluffy little bunny in the hands of an innocent child, looks sideways at the unseen stylist who put her in this top, as if to say, “Seriously? A t-shirt with a long, gradient two-toned fringe bib?”
Exactly WHO would this flatter and who would want to wear this? Women who’d like to eat messy ribs and experience only marginal success at blocking the sauce from hitting their t-shirt?