Tag Archives: fringe

Fringed Faux Leather Backpack

I feel like any second that thing is going to gush out a paralyzing agent into her face, become animate and plant its eggs in her slender, warm torso.

backpack

Fringed Faux Leather Backpack: $35.90

It looks like she’s wearing an evolved version of one of the face huggers from the next Aliens movies on her back and this thing is going pop out of her at some point, only Ke$ha will be playing in the background for some reason and instead of blood all over the place it will be just be a potent mixture of glitter, Astroglide and Beyonce’s Heat fragrance.

alien

I may be projecting a fantasy here.

Forever 21, WTF?

Leave a Comment

Filed under Straight WTF

Genuine Suede Fringe Halter Top

Besides the obvious occasions, like winning first place for the worst Pocahontas cosplay ever or fucking Coachella, I’m wondering under what circumstances any of us would wear this.

fringetop

Genuine Suede Fringe Halter Top: $24.90

This must be for people who live their lives like a drum circle could break out any moment. Like Matthew McConaughey or Ed Begley Jr. Damn. What I wouldn’t give to see the “Who wore it best” for that pair.

Forever 21, WTF.

1 Comment

Filed under Straight WTF

Fringed Open Knit Dress

Now, you all know I love a good fringe dress that looks like the big, patchy bush of Paul Bunyan’s wife …

Fringed Open Knit Dress: $29.80

Who doesn’t?

But the fact is, I haven’t seen this much ratty looking beige curtain since Britney Spears shaved her head and stopped stumbling out of moving vehicles.

Forever 21, WTF?

Leave a Comment

Filed under Straight WTF

Manga Maven: WTForever 21 Fully Animated

I am so excited about this, I just can’t even begin.

The lovely Joanna from www.maqaroon.com created this awesome manga portrait of me in all the WTF accouterments.

OBSERVE!

Obnoxiously bright headband with large rosettes!

Many chunky bangles in neon colors!

Demented owl necklace!

Furry vest!

Leopard print fringe body suit!!

This is damn masterpiece.

….

Check out other street style manga portraits on Joanna’s blog: http://www.maqaroon.com/blog.php

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tassels and Ta-tas

I think Forever 21 may be experiencing The Little Mermaid effect with these tassel earrings.

Ombre Tassel Earrings: $5.80

You know that scene when she thinks the fork is a comb?

She was confused.

Just like you seem to be confusing those titty danglers for ear adornments.

Fixed that for you.

Forever 21,

Leave a Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Ombre Fringe Slub Top

When is this going to stop happening?

Ombre Fringe Slub Top: $17.80

When are these sadists going to stop doing this to breasts?

Who, besides people with a strangely specific fetish for aging horse manes draped over lady lumps, is this appealing to?

It’s like a nipple car wash that doesn’t actually wash nipples or cars and just causes confusion.

It looks like she has one of Nicki Minaj’s wigs draped over her tits.

Oh yeah. That looks normal.

Forever 21, WTF?

5 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

What a Steal!

What’s this?

20120206-120058.jpg

Turns out there wasn’t a lot of demand for a jacket so sad it cries fake suede tears.

20120206-120911.jpg

Forever 21, Thanks for the Discount but … No Thanks.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Cupid’s Picks

As a special treat for Valentine’s Day shoppers, Forever 21 has rolled out a list of gifts personally picked by Cupid, chief among them being sticks of sexual dynamite like this doozy.

20120203-102757.jpg

Poisoned Love Fringe Top: $14.80

Sometimes Forever 21′s picks are way off the mark, but I have to give it to them this year. A top like that is sure to make the lampshade of your dreams go ga-ga!

What’s that you say? You mean to tell me you didn’t plan to spend this Valentine’s Day cooking a sumptuous meal for, romancing, reading poetry to and then subsequently banging the shit out of a lampshade by candlelight?

You wanted to attracted a human BEING with this top?

Fine. More for me then.

Forever 21, Furniture Matchmaker.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

It’s a Living

No matter how many times I see some model photographed for Forever 21 with a grimace on her face, no matter how many times I notice the look of sheer “no fucks given,” I STILL cackle.

20120117-163002.jpg

Fringe Trim Tank: $15.80

Seriously, let’s not even discuss the ridiculous, tribal, fringe frenzy on her torso. Let’s instead direct our attention to the main attraction. The deliciously “meh” main attraction.

20120117-163435.jpg

This is the facial expression equivalent of phrases like, “It is what it is” or “What’re you gonna do?” and “Ya can’t fight city hall.”

I’ve seen women eating salads who look like they’re having a better time.

Forever 21, Get that bitch some lettuce.

10 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

It’s Over!

Sooo … you do know Halloween is over, right?

20111101-103955.jpg

Fringed Suedette Jacket: $39.80

You DO know people are done dressing up like sexy little Tiger Lily sluts, correct?

20111101-104156.jpg

And that no one is trying to rock the Lone Rider, 1950s television western interpretation of what cowboys looked like – am I to understand you ARE fully aware of this fact?

20111101-104336.jpg

I mean, I know YOU know damn well jackets shouldn’t have laces. I’m just confused as to why this exists.

Forever 21, WTF?

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized