We’ve all known the pain. The unadulterated let down festival that is seeing an awesome dress, sweater, bottom, top, etc. beckoning to us from the rack. It whispers to you, “Buy me. Buy me and your life will be DOPE.” So you go to it, speed walking across the floor, holding your anticipation in like a person waiting to hear the last matching number of a lotto ticket. Trembling, you reach your goal and gingerly remove the item from the rack only to discover the awful truth. Your dream garment, the article of clothing that was going to change your life, is soiled. SOILED with a deal breaker.
It could be almost anything. The Affordable Find Dealbreaker is completely subjective. It could be rosettes. It could be ruffles, or a hideous print or a minor detail which just completely throws off the entire thing. Whatever it is, it’s a fuck damn bush league cluster eff and it can ruin your whole afternoon.
Here are my personal top 5 deal breakers in affordable fashion finds.
1. Unecessary and Ugly Details
Graphic Crop Top: $9.90
Oh, hey, look. This top looks kind of cool. Just basic, really. Wait a minute … is that …
Yep. Yeah. It’s a giant eagle face. Well, it’s not THAT bad …
Seriously? Seriously crop top? Side boob action? No chance.
2. Too much Skank
Sequins Dress: $20.99
Okay, okay. Little Black Dress. Looks cute enough. Some nice details on it. Let’s just get a better look here…
Holy ovaries, that’s short! If it wasn’t for the tiny shadow and black void of Spanx we could probably get a good eye full of camel toe right now. And that’s when she’s standing still. Imagine teetering around on heels wearing that shirt masquerading as a dress. An innocent walk to the car could turn into a full blown booty show in mere moments.
3. Sneaky Romper
Peacock Feather Romper: $19.80
Ohh! What a sweet little summer dress. I hope they have one left in my size!
WTF IS THIS? SHORTS?!?!?
This is the WORST. Rompers are the ninjas of the fashion world. I’ve gotten INTO the DRESSING room with a romper in my midst and not known it until I was half naked and ready to put the thing on.
4. Pukey Print
Bow Skirt: $15.80
Hmm.. kind of cute. I love pleats. It’s very pretty girl on summer vacay at the cape. But I’ve been burned before. Let’s get in there for a closer look.
Leopard. Print. Bows.
Ruffled Shirt Dress w/ Belt: $24.80
Poseidon’s trident, look at that mess! Ruffle on ruffle action at it’s most natty and hardcore! She looks like Oscar the Grouch’s bottom bitch. I half expect the next product shot to be of her poking her head out of a trash can having a surly interaction with a gigantic yellow bird costume.
Forever 21, You… What Have you DONE?