Tag Archives: cats

Le Costume Post: Part 1

CATS.

They’re what drives the Internet, what makes it, and keeps us yearning, churning, day after day, distracting us from our humdrum little lives. They get billions of hits and appeal to everyone from the tiniest tot to the oldest codger. They’re watching you from the ceiling. They’re in your computer eating your interwebs. And they’re CONSTANTLY asking for cheeseburgers.

They’re also apparently what makes us strap on tits-to-toe stretchy, leopard print lace jogging suits and roll around on the floor for 15 minutes.

Lace Leopard Jacket: $19.80

Lace Leopard Leggings: $13.80

I know this looks bad, but hear me out – I have absolutely no good explanation for this scene.

It started out innocently enough with a Redbook article from 1977 that listed “18 Ways to Feel Prettier – Right Now!”  One of which was a suggestion to unleash your animal instincts by working in a sassy splash of animal print in your everyday wardrobe. Animal print? Sassy? Everyday? Wardrobe? The hunt was on. And as with most trends, I think I took it a little too far.

So, okay, it’s not so much a splash as it is a big ol’ tidal wave of WTF, but when I saw the leggings and matching jacket in the Forever 21 store tonight I gasped. These twins of synthetic wonder were just what I needed to spice things up around the old homestead. Or the laundry mat. Or the post office. Or at my boyfriend’s place of business. Where ever. And at the very least, they could be reused in October as a last minute cat costume of some kind. All I need is the ears and tail and no one has to know I wore this to run errands at Safeway two days prior.

It’s sheer, it’s probably HIGHLY flammable and it illicits the wrong kind of attention in a Safeway parking lot, but, damnit, I have to admit, it was fun to wear, and for a cheapo, slutty Halloween costume on the fly, it ain’t too shabby. I still don’t know why Forever 21 puts what is clearly meant to be worn as a Halloween costume or outfit for a Purim parade in their normal rotation of street wear. I suppose some mysteries, like LOLcats and women who wear head-to-toe leopard print, were never meant to be solved.

Forever 21, I Can Has Cheezburger?

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Crafts for Cat Ladies in Training

This has to be one of my favorite “spin” descriptions of a Forever 21 garment, ever.

Crochet Knit Shawl: $15.84

“Snag granny’s style with this tiered crochet shawl.”

Man, oh, man – if I had a nickle for every time I rifled through my grandmother’s closet looking for something to wear on a first date.

I can smell the old lady funk coming off this thing through the computer screen. It looks like the product of a junior college class called, “Crafts for the Forever Alone” or “Crafts for Women who Have just Plain Given up and said ‘Fuck it. I’m just going to be with my cats.’”

Well, let me tell you something – don’t kid yourself, even CATS would you judge you for wearing this. Especially cats.

Forever 21, Hiss.

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5 Old WTF Trends that Need to be Retired

Forever 21 has made their fortune selling cheap trend items to the masses and although I respect everyone’s right to safely shop for items of the moment, there are a few things still in stores that should have stopped existing by now.

1.

Stupid Owl Accessories

I still haven’t figured out how wearing the wisest bird in the animal kingdom on your person makes you look so effing stupid.

2.

Dumb Ass Sublimation Tops

Basically anything with those stretch marking looking lines over the print of the shirt needs to stop. It looks like some lazy form of tie-dye and it’s so ugly even hippies won’t wear it. Stop it.

3.

Lamé. It’s spelled that way for a reason.

4.

Ridiculous Gladiator Sandals

You know what these could use? More straps. Leave away from here, Gladiator Sandals. You’ve had enough.

5.

Accessories, Clothing, Etc. with Feathers

Despite the fact that I have never actually seen anyone in real life wear a feathered accessory, Forever 21 keeps cranking out these oversize cat toys. I can only hope they’re being purchased and then shredded to bits by irate felines in homes across America.

Forever 21, WTF?

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Fancy Cats Sleeveless Tunic

Alright everyone, here is a fashion rule of thumb:

If something looks terrible on the model it is going to be horrifying on you.

Case in point, this offensively ugly, cat lady’s wet dream.

If you find this garment even remotely wearable, you may as well get used to the pungent cocktail of cat piss and Fancy Feast right now, ‘cus there is going to be a lot of it in your future.

Price: $17.80

Forever 21, WTF?

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