Tag Archives: american flag

Memorial Day Do’s and Dont’s

FREEDOM.

That’s what Memorial Day is all about.

Celebrating our freedom as Americans to look at fat titties, drink beers, cook animal flesh over an open flame and wear cut-offs. Preferably all at the same time.

Welcome to your Memorial Day Fashion Guide Do’s & Dont’s.

God bless you all and God bless America.

Mineral Wash Denim Halter: $7.80

Looking at breasts that threaten to escape from acid wash bikini tops is the most patriotic shit you can you engage in.

Therefore, it is only right that you DO wear this top that looks like a left over from the wardrobe of a Guns N’ Roses video.

Welcome to the jungle, baby.

Studded Cut-Off Shorts: $19.80

As I mentioned before, cut-offs are an America tradition. Like apple pie and slavery.

Make sure you DO wriggle yourself into the tightest pair of these babies you can find. Extra points for pairing them with American flag cowboy boots.

Leopard Print Dress: $19.80

Leopard print. Super Tight. Coochie surprise short. I know it looks like a Memorial Day fashion slam dunk. But there’s one big problem with this otherwise perfect display of American style.

It’s only got one sleeve. Only got one shoulder.

That’s just unacceptable on Memorial Day. ‘Cus we’re Americans, damnit. And we don’t do ANYTHING half-assed, not even our sleeves.

Studded Vest: $27.80

This silky looker calls back to the days when men were men, women were women and you could pay $.05 to grab a chicks titty in the corner of the saloon. Two for one on Sundays!

I’d suggest wearing this with the acid wash bikini top and cut-off shorts.

Aviator sunglasses and obesity optional.

Happy Birthday, Benjamin Franklin! That’s what this holiday is for, right?

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Presidents Day Sale

Forever 21.

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Helping you celebrate your inalienable right to look retarded at family barbecues.

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WTFourth of Fuck-ly

This is so bad I had to post it immediately.

What exactly about any of this shirt makes sense? I won’t even go into how many violations of the flag code AND my well being are happening here.

And for fashion’s sake, why now?? Perhaps to boost national morale in this, one of our darkest fiscal hours? If that’s what it’s for then they shouldn’t have priced it at $14.80.

They should have priced it at what it’s worth, which is NOT A DAMN.

It’s like a People of Walmart uniform. Pair it with bright red booty shorts, morbid obesity and a rascal scooter and you’ve got a traumatic childhood incident waiting to happen.

For SHAME, Forever 21. That is our FLAG.

And you’ve shamelessly whored it up with lipstick and fake eyelashes and paraded it around like a Toddlers & Tiaras reject on Ritalin.

Rhinestones.

You just HAD to add rhinestones. The addition of rhinestones meant whoever designed this shirt, after taking Old Glory and making her look like she’d been rode hard and put away wet, then slapped Marilyn Monroe’s face on this … thing, looked it over and said to themselves,

“More. It needs MORE … RHINESTONES.”

Well, at least the model looks happy …

OH WAIT, she looks MISERABLE.

Forever 21, WTF?

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