Swamp Ass

You know that thing where you’ve been out in the sun all day and it’s really hot and humid and your shirt is all moist and clinging to your torso and you feel like you need to shower but you can’t because you’re in a restaurant or at the park or something and then you get an itch on your lower back from some grass or whatever and then you go to scratch it and realize your butt crack has turned into a tropical rain forest?

Satin Floral Wide Leg Pants: $29.80

These pants are the visual equivalent of that feeling.

It looks like a colony of spores are springing forth from what appears to be here abnormally long ass crack and pancake flatĀ cheeks. If you KNEW these pants did this to the MODEL’S ass, WHY, oh why would you provide photographic evidence of this to people considering making a purchase? These make her ass look like it’s trying to escape onto her back. It reminds me of Station’s awesome Martian but from Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey.

Forever 21, Heinous.


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4 Responses to Swamp Ass

  1. barb

    OMG they are actually trying to sell upholstry for your legs?

  2. Beth B.

    The model can’t even face the camera, which is why we can only see the backside.

  3. Lori

    All I can hear is a woman sweetly singing “Thank you for being a friend…” Your granny’s lounge pants from the 80′s make their triumphant return!

  4. B Jonas

    Where do those round asses go
    that once were pert and fun to show
    Do they no longer reside inside the once silky satin skin
    Have they found a place to hide from some oft’ repeated sin
    A flat ass is out of season engedering no lust
    Those slacks(women don’t wear pants) are a bust

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