Look! Up in the club! It’s a bird, it’s a plane – no it’s …
Fitted Leatherette Dress: $24.80
Yes, Club Girl. Faster than a speeding skank on Sunset Blvd., more powerful than an authentic can of Fourloko and able to leap tall doormen in a single bound!
Club Girl’s abilities include Super Head, incredible Hater-Vision which allows her to spot “all the bitches that be hatin’ up in here,” and is imbued with impenetrable silicone breast bags able boost both her earning potentional as a mild mannered go-go dancer and also boost her sense of self worth. Her powerful Bumpit of Truth (not pictured here) gives her the ability to “tell it like it is.” This power could be used to solve any number of world issues, but is most often used to say things like, “That bitch needs to stop eating, for reals. She should NOT be wearing that. WHAT!? I tell it like it is.”
Club Girl’s only weakness is Last Call and the Harsh Realities of the Next Morning, which sap her of her powers and can reduce her to a clingy whiner who wants to “get some breakfast” or “hang out later today, or something.” The antidote for this is aspirin, greasy foods and the Morning After Pill.
(Cape, thigh high boots, Bumpit of Truth and bag full of nondescript pills and multi-colored condoms not included in this costume.)
Forever 21, WTF?