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Forever 21 Holding Out on Luscious Canada

Every once in a while I like to head over the Canada side of Forever 21 and see what horrors they offer those fine people. Having done such a thing today, my question to the Canadian readers is this – How do you sleep at night knowing Forever 21 is marketing THIS to  United Statesians and not to you?

Kid ‘N’ Play Tee: $17.80

Canada, you poor, deprived, beautiful little fool.

The best part of this is Kid’s hand gesture.

It’s like he had a fist full of fucks and just threw those bitches up in the air like “AND WHAT.”

Play is not amused.

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GIVEAWAY WINNERS!

WINNERS OF THE GIVEAWAY ARE AS FOLLOWS:

Olay’s ProX Advanced Cleansing System

Heather Slack

winks by GEORGIE™

Sadia Latif

Kate Somerville Exfolikate, yes to cucumbers & Olive and Coriander Moist Hand & Face Wipes with Aloe

Kim (@mom22girlz)

Olay Professional Pro-X Anti-Aging Starter Protocol

Jenna Sara

Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser

Kayti Clayton

Stephanie Johnson iPad Case Riviera Maya

Ashley Harrington

Murad Essential-C Cleanser & Murad Acne Spot Treatment

Elaina (@missanomaly)

NYX Nude on Nude Natural Look Kit & Lierac Paris Coherence Nuit

Lissa Layman

Olay Total Effects Tone Correcting Eye Treatment & Olay Total Effects Tone Correcting Spot Treatment

Maca Barnes

Clean Plates Los Angeles, Kimberly Fowler’s The No Om Zone & vapur The Anti-Bottle

Macy Howell

Trio of OPI Polishes

Cate Yochum

Bio-Oil & Spanx But… Naked! Thong

Robin Kaitlyn

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWED AND LIKED AND TWEETED AND RETWEETED!

IF I DON’T HEAR FROM YOU BY JUNE 16, 2012 YOU WILL BE FORFEITING YOUR WINNINGS! PLEASE EMAIL Racheldkane@gmail.com with your name and address!

If you didn’t win anything this time around, TAKE HEART! I give things away fairly regularly. Sometimes they’re awesome. Sometimes they’re lacey leopard print cat suits.

They can’t all be winners, ladies and gentlemen.

….

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Memorial Day Do’s and Dont’s

FREEDOM.

That’s what Memorial Day is all about.

Celebrating our freedom as Americans to look at fat titties, drink beers, cook animal flesh over an open flame and wear cut-offs. Preferably all at the same time.

Welcome to your Memorial Day Fashion Guide Do’s & Dont’s.

God bless you all and God bless America.

Mineral Wash Denim Halter: $7.80

Looking at breasts that threaten to escape from acid wash bikini tops is the most patriotic shit you can you engage in.

Therefore, it is only right that you DO wear this top that looks like a left over from the wardrobe of a Guns N’ Roses video.

Welcome to the jungle, baby.

Studded Cut-Off Shorts: $19.80

As I mentioned before, cut-offs are an America tradition. Like apple pie and slavery.

Make sure you DO wriggle yourself into the tightest pair of these babies you can find. Extra points for pairing them with American flag cowboy boots.

Leopard Print Dress: $19.80

Leopard print. Super Tight. Coochie surprise short. I know it looks like a Memorial Day fashion slam dunk. But there’s one big problem with this otherwise perfect display of American style.

It’s only got one sleeve. Only got one shoulder.

That’s just unacceptable on Memorial Day. ‘Cus we’re Americans, damnit. And we don’t do ANYTHING half-assed, not even our sleeves.

Studded Vest: $27.80

This silky looker calls back to the days when men were men, women were women and you could pay $.05 to grab a chicks titty in the corner of the saloon. Two for one on Sundays!

I’d suggest wearing this with the acid wash bikini top and cut-off shorts.

Aviator sunglasses and obesity optional.

Happy Birthday, Benjamin Franklin! That’s what this holiday is for, right?

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Summer Looks on Pinterest

Take a peek and pin if you like.

Happy Summer, WTFers!

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Rounded “Back Massager”

Sit down, Forever 21.

Rounded Back Massager: $2.80

I… wasn’t snooping. I want you to know I respect your privacy.

I respect it.

But… I found this in your sock drawer and… we need to have a talk.

Forever 21, When a Woman and a Plastic Massage Toy Love Each Other Very Much…

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Wonderful Wednesday: Big Boobs Bonanza

I don’t know if you guys know this, and I don’t mean to brag, but I am hella stacked.

If someone were going to write my biography tomorrow, the title could easily be, “Big Titties: The Gift and the Curse.”

The gift, because yes, sometimes having an ample bust can be a blessing. Like if you need to get out of a traffic ticket. Or if your main goal in life is to have someone at some point make it rain on you or spray Andre all over your ass.

If you have big tatties, these are the avenues of glory which for you are wide open.

But bountiful breastisses can also be a burden, especially when it comes to dressing them.

Well, my chesty sisters, prepare to be set free.

This is Wonderful Wednesday.

Continue reading

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Wild Leopard Print Shift Dress

In all my time as a connoisseur of WTF

Wild Leopard Print Shirt Dress: $19.80

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a sad faux leopard skin sheet.

Just look at it…

Probably torn from its warm place a semi permanent fixture in Katt Williams’ bedroom, it seems almost depressed to be dangling from the bony frame of this model.

Mangled by strange zipper placement.

Humiliating shapelessness.

Someone should turn it into a set of small throw pillow covers, toss them in the green room of an Ed Hardy themed night club and end this macabre charade.

Forever 21, You’re so Cruel…

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WTF or Wonderful: Geo Print Shirtdress

Every so often I run across a piece from Forever 21 that toes the line between WTF and Wonderful.

Geo Print Shirtdress: $19.80

This dress toes one such line.

On the one hand, I could see myself strapping a thin belt around this bitch and rocking it as a tunic over black skinny jeans.

Or even unbottoning it to the tits and throwing on some cute sandals for a lazy Saturday farmer’s market stroll.

On the other hand, the print reminds me of a Fruit Stripe packet on acid. I seriously have the suspicion that if you put on Tommy and light a candle while looking at this dress, you will see your entire life. And The Devil. But then again, we know I’m paranoid.

YOU BE THE JUDGE!

Leave me a comment.

Is this WTF or Wonderful?

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The Tie is Too Damn Dye!

I think I’ve figured out why Forever 21 keeps pumping out these unspeakable WTFs.

Rhinestoned Iridescent Butterfly Necklace: $7.80

Embellished Tribal Clutch: $27.80

Boho Feather Earrings: $4.80

Floppy Hat with Flower: $12.80

Geometric Straw Cuff: $4.80

Faceted Clear Bracelet: $4.80

Contrast Spike Bracelet: $6.80

Forever 21, WTF?

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Wild and Out: Animal Pimp

There are some clothes that transform the wearer.

Some for the better and some for the worse…

The following items were seemingly designed to turn any normal woman into a certified Jungle Pimp in 5 seconds flat.

Cropped Cheetah Print Jacket: $19.80

 This cropped cheetah jacket says you have animal magnetism.

It also says that Bonobo better have your money.

Zebra Print Loafers: $22.80

Want to keep your pimp foot strong? You will feel like the queen of the jungle when you slip on these striped loafers and struck yo’ muthafuckin’ way through the track on the tundra.

CHURCH.

Wild Chain Link Headwrap: $6.80

Every smoove player who has made a name for themselves in the sex for coconuts game needs a trademark piece.

Don’t sleep on this wild ass chain and leopard combo. Let ya mane flow.

Forever 21, Jungle Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy But Its Estuary.

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