Author Archives: ringtheory

It’s Fringe, Ombre. FRINGE.


Ombre Fringe Necklace: $8.80

What

the

Fuck?

Forever 21,

[youtube=http://youtu.be/UFSyBBglmpI]

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Drop Bows on ‘Em

You know what’s missing from my life (other than servants)?

Jeweled Accent Top: $22.80

A sweater with subtle jewel, rhinestone accent and large, satiny bow on the side.

But, I still feel like it’s missing something.

French Terry Bow Pullover: $22.80

A chiffon rat’s tail! MORE sequins! How did you KNOW?

Forever 21, You Read my Mind and then you BLEW it.

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Get It Now!

Get what now?

A job having my g-string plugged with sweaty dollar bills or a communicable disease? I spied this selection of busted ass stripper heels on the top floor of a Forever 21. Most of them were soiled in some fashion, and all of them looked as if they had been worn. To the club. Many times. Until closing.

Check out these gems. Sky-high, red feathered shoes, ripe for the picking. You’d have to be a fool or someone who doesn’t like getting a stranger’s foot crust on you not to buy these!

And these! Electric blue and heavy on attitude.

And dirt.

It was hard to tell just by looking at them, but I am guessing these shoes may have been the shoes below at some point in history.

Suedette High Cone Heels: $22.80

 The years, they have not been kind.

Forever 21, WTF?

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Wearable Soundtrack of the ’80s

This post goes out to all you ladies and lads who railed against me for hating so super hard on harem pants.

“Try them! They’re really comfy and I get compliments on mine all the time.”

“Not ALL harem pants look bad. You just have to pick the right ones.”

“You just don’t like harem pants because you have dignity and don’t like people laughing behind your back in the streets.”

Ok, I made that last comment up, but regardless!

To all you harem pant loving peeps, I have one thing to say.

Fuck. You.

Fuck you, because, shit … you were KIND of right.

Zebra Harem Pant: $15.80

Continue reading

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HuffPost Post – Forever 21 & Religion

HuffPost version of this Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-kane/the-11-ways-forever-21-is_b_922581.html#s325926&title=God_Will_Guide

Enjoy it all over again for the first time on Huffington Post!

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Shining Harder than a GIA Diamond

In the past few weeks I’ve received a record amount of emails and links in comment threads about one dress.

A dress so WTF it seems to have captured the attentions and captivated the minds of literally handfuls of you.

Coated Party Dress: $19.80

Yes, coated. A lot of your have asked, “Coated with what?”

And I have to answer, “Isn’t it obvious?”

Coated with swag. Coated with confidence, class and  high-shine polyester… Probably mostly high shine polyester, though. I mean, a GIA certified diamond would be jealous. A GIA, I TELL YOU! Look how she sparkles.

And this isn’t just some form of bondage picnic wear or something from Cat Woman’s casual wardrobe, oh no. Not only is this dress great for cocktail parties, you can also turn it inside out when you’re done and toss trash in it for easy clean up.

That’s called multi-tasking. And value.

Forever 21, WTF?

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Crafts for Cat Ladies in Training

This has to be one of my favorite “spin” descriptions of a Forever 21 garment, ever.

Crochet Knit Shawl: $15.84

“Snag granny’s style with this tiered crochet shawl.”

Man, oh, man – if I had a nickle for every time I rifled through my grandmother’s closet looking for something to wear on a first date.

I can smell the old lady funk coming off this thing through the computer screen. It looks like the product of a junior college class called, “Crafts for the Forever Alone” or “Crafts for Women who Have just Plain Given up and said ‘Fuck it. I’m just going to be with my cats.’”

Well, let me tell you something – don’t kid yourself, even CATS would you judge you for wearing this. Especially cats.

Forever 21, Hiss.

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Forever 21 is Too Cool for School

After yesterday’s very interesting research into the religious crop top rantings at Forever 21, I was heartened to see the retailer doesn’t have it all wrong when it comes to messages on t-shirts.

i <3 School: $13.80

Given the high rate of unemployment in this country, it’s so nice to see Forever 21 making a positive, non-judgy wudgy was a bear declaration.

Especially after their fiasco with the “I’m Too Pretty to Do Math” magnet a few months ago, which had much of the general gal public up in arms for perpetrating stereotypes in the girl community which steer so many bright, beautiful young ladies away from focusing on da maths.

Imagine how refreshed I found myself to see this, then, after so many Jesus and God shirts. If they made this top, surely Forever 21 couldn’t be all bad.

Then I turned it around.

OH.

OKAY.

‘Cus it’s so cool to not like school. It’s so cool to worry about chronic unemployment because you hated school so much and were “too cool” for it. It’s totally cool to have not learned your lesson about creating accessories and clothing that pray on the inexplicable need for young girls to try to dumb themselves down to be more appealing to young boys. It’s so cool to trick me into thinking you love AP English and learning just as much as I do!

Forever 21, Are You Still Going to be my Lab Partner?

(Probably not…)

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The 11 Items Helping Forever 21 Sell Their Religion

We all knew this day would come.

The day when the ultra-religious views of Forever 21′s owners crept out from under their signature yellow bags and onto their shelves.

They’ve always had a penchant for crosses. A sizeable chunk of their accessory stock is crosses. Bedazzled, jazzled, rhinestone dipped and covered in colorful bling, but crosses none the less. Not a biggie. Madonna, anyone?  But on my most recent visit to the Glendale Galleria’s Forever 21 store and then again while browsing their online catalog, I noticed a disturbing trend in the graphic tees. Some were just hinting at a shadow of religion, which I’ve seen before from them, but NOW? Now there are items going Holy balls to the wall with tops that have what reads like  scripture on them.

Faith Knit Tee: $9.00

Jesus [Heart] You Top: $9.00

Holy Fringe Tank: $13.80

Jesus [Heart] Me Crop Top: $12.80

God Cropped Burnout Tank: $13.80

Cropped Thank God Burnout Top: $17.80

Price/Name unknow – A reader from London sent this in.

I left out the numerous tops with just crosses on them (bedazzled, bejewelered, drag-queen-like crosses) because I thought it would probably be repetitive, but I believe this is a good sampling of the Christian clothing crusade.

In itself, standing alone, the phrase, “Jesus Loves Me” or the word “Holy” splattered across a cheap crop top and worn by some pre-teen Bible thumper doesn’t bother me. I don’t care about your religion. That is, until you use it to make me feel uncomfortable or in a way I think may be preachy.

That’s where THESE tops comes in:

Yours Eternally, God: $13.80

Pray: $14.80

Three Words: $14.80

God Will Guide: $14.80

Amidst the forgettable crosses and Jesus love, THIS stuff jumped out at me, tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “You are no longer in a store. Welcome to the Sunday morning service you did not sign up for. Now get to prayin’ sinner!”

So, how do you feel about this? Are you alright shopping for deals with a side of Lord and Savior or do you believe in separation of Church and Style?

Forever 21, WTFWJD?

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Sweatin’ to the Oldies

**TO GET THE FULL EFFECT OF THIS POST, PLEASE PLAY THE EMBEDDED YOUTUBE VIDEO WHILE READING.**

[youtube=http://youtu.be/BhsTmiK7Q2M]

As much I know we all love fashion magazines, with their fanciful photo shoots and designer eye candy lineups, they’re also tinged with a little bit of insanity.

Yeah, sure, everybody looks flawlessly perfect when they come out of a pool. None of us have ever looked like a cat, brought near to the point of death from drowning, when we pop out poolside after landing a sick canonball.

But of all my favorite photo shoot fun times jollies, the faux workout shoot has got to be my favorite and the one with the highest saturation of insanity. You know the one – where the models are lifting weights, doing a workout wearing sky high Louboutins, chunky rings and perfectly place beads of beautiful sweat across neon colored  lips.

And what better way to take advantage of Forever 21′s recent neon gym wear craze!

Easy to recreate, right?

Easy as fucking PIE.

Top: Forever 21 $13.80

Leggings:  Forever 21 $15.80

Shoes, Determined Intense Workout Face, Flared Nostrils: Mine

Shake Weight: $19.95

Eye ( and leggings ) of the tiger.

When you’re about to run 20 miles, swim the English channel and punch Pipa Middleton in the face in wedge heels for your workout (as I did, right after this photo was taken) you’ll want to stretch. I encourage all of you, before you partake in a vigorous, sweaty, mesh and pleather legging workout to, please, make sure you are limber.

Forever 21, Welcome to the Limit.

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